physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Bravo! Patient’s Continuous Log of Stool Measures 5-Feet Long!

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GREENVILLE, SC – With a swirl of stool in the toilet bowl resembling a generous piece of churro, patient Davis Adderley has just had the longest continuous log of stool in recent memory, measuring exactly 5 feet long! Wow! Way to go, Adderley!

“What can I say, I try to get a lot of fiber in my diet, eating lots of fruits and vegetables, and I always have my cup of joe in the morning,” Adderley told Gomerblog, alongside a conference hall filled with media here to witness the milestone poop. “I’m always regular, and I’ve had some impressive bowel movements, but this… This was my best.”

Both the American College of Gastroenterology (ACG) and the American College of Surgery (ACS) report their entire society of members are in tears, joyful tears over Adderley’s healthy and lengthy stool.

“The large intestine is 5-feet long and we always thought it was theoretically possible to have a 5-foot-long stool,” said general surgeon Samantha Jones. With the patient’s permission, she has posted a picture of the stool stunner on all of her social media accounts. “This must’ve been what the world felt like when we first landed on the moon.”

Smartly, the patient has not flushed the toilet. The ACG and ACS are putting together their finest in order to carefully extract the specimen, and hopefully enshrine it somewhere, most likely the hallowed Surgery Hall of Fame (SHOF). It is unclear yet if it will be an interactive exhibit.

Gomerblog and the rest of the medical media would have asked more questions if Adderley hadn’t floated off into the stratosphere, feeling truly lighter than a feather.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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