Director of CME Conference in Hawaii Caught Off Guard When Participants Actually Show Up

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WAILEA, HI—Jay Morgan, director of a popular annual CME conference in Hawaii, was caught off guard last week when participants actually showed up expecting educational lectures. To say that Morgan was unprepared for this completely unprecedented situation would be putting it mildly.

“Seriously,” said a frazzled Morgan, “I’ve been hosting this conference in Maui for almost 30 years and never once has any doctor expected an actual conference. It’s pretty much common knowledge that participants are supposed to come, sign in for themselves and as many friends as they want and then go enjoy this beautiful paradise.

“So imagine my shock when on day 1, fifty doctors signed in and then stayed, taking a seat in the auditorium! Some bizarrely took out their laptops, preparing to take notes. But obviously I didn’t have any lectures prepared. Heck, I didn’t even know what topic the conference was supposed to be about.”

Conference attendees stared in silence for 45 minutes at Morgan, who awkwardly stared back. Finally, a physician named Lara Dixon spoke up: “Hey, what’s going on? Isn’t this the CME conference about updates in nephrology?”

Morgan couldn’t believe she just gave him an out. He pounced, whispering back, “Nope! This is definitely not a nephrology conference. This is a conference about the health benefits of silence. I think you guys are on the wrong island. I’m pretty certain the one you’re looking for is on the island of Kauai, not Maui.”

The group of conscientious doctors bought his lie and headed off for gorgeous Kauai. But Morgan knew they’d be back soon, and they’d be furious. So he did what any phony CME Director would do—he took their money and ran.

“They’ll never find me,” Morgan told GomerBlog exclusively. “This is completely off-the-record [Ed. Note: Shh, don’t tell anyone!], but I’m hiding out in a purple beachside cottage on Kalakaua Avenue in Waikiki. I don’t feel guilty at all. I’m still gonna mail them their CME certificates, which is all every other attendee in years past ever wanted.”

UPDATE: Two days after this initial report, the conference attendees somehow tracked Morgan down at a purple beachside cottage on Kalakaua Avenue in Waikiki. But instead of demanding their money back, the dedicated doctors sat in his cottage and demanded a nephrology lecture. A bewildered Morgan finally lost it, shouting, “What’s wrong with you people?? Just take your damn certificates and leave. I don’t have a nephrology lecture prepared—I’m not even a doctor!”

  • Proton Pimp

    Adorned in a stylish white fur coat, ravishing purple silk suit and a dozen gold necklaces, I spend my nights lounging in luxury and delivering beautiful bursts of acidic commentary about those in the medical field who deserve it—which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody. Some may be offended, but I simply can’t be stopped; that is, except by my mortal nemesis: the dreaded Proton Pimp Inhibitor. Until recently, that little purple shill very effectively blocked the release of my most acidic work. But no longer! In addition to my lavish lifestyle, I also enjoy reading romance novels, listening to hit songs by Toto on loop, and staring at my Betty White pin-up calendar. Follow him at @TheProtonP on Twitter!!

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