Patient Who Won’t Sign Consent Form Feared to Have Read It

  • 453

The decision by a patient to not sign an informed consent form has left her surgeon petrified that she actually read the form. If true, it would represent the first known time ever that a patient, anywhere in the world, has read one of these forms. And if this woman proves to be a trendsetter and other patients follow suit, it could spell disaster for the entire surgical profession.

“Oh Jesus, what the heck happened?!” said her still shellshocked surgeon. “I keep going over the details of our encounter to figure out where it all went wrong. I remember zooming through the form for her cholecystectomy, loudly emphasizing the benefits of the procedure while whispering the risks in a barely audible tone, just like I always do. I explained the alternative was to not do it, but said it in a derisive tone, as if choosing that would be ludicrous. Then I asked “Any questions?” but gave her a look that clearly indicated she was not to ask any questions. Finally I shoved paper and pen in her face and she was about to sign and then….oh crap!

“And then I got an urgent page from a nurse and briefly—very briefly—stepped out of the room to call her back. When I returned a minute later, the form was laying on the counter, unsigned! I repeatedly encouraged her to sign it, but she just wouldn’t do it and wouldn’t tell me why.”

When the humiliated surgeon presented this case at an urgently and very appropriately called Morbidity & Mortality conference the next day, the consensus opinion was that the woman must have read the whole form. His colleagues did not mince words in their criticism of him. “What a putz!” said one furious colleague. “Everyone knows you can’t let the patient read the form. Leaving the patient alone with the form, even for 1 minute, is simply unforgivable! That’s stuff we learned on day 1 of Surgery internship. My goodness, if this gets out, the surgical profession is doomed! No one who reads the form will ever agree to surgery.”

The M&M attendees all decided to keep this horrible event hush-hush. Their hope is that if this news doesn’t get out, patients will continue to willingly sign forms that routinely list “death” as a possible consequence, no questions asked.

  • Proton Pimp

    Adorned in a stylish white fur coat, ravishing purple silk suit and a dozen gold necklaces, I spend my nights lounging in luxury and delivering beautiful bursts of acidic commentary about those in the medical field who deserve it—which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody. Some may be offended, but I simply can’t be stopped; that is, except by my mortal nemesis: the dreaded Proton Pimp Inhibitor. Until recently, that little purple shill very effectively blocked the release of my most acidic work. But no longer! In addition to my lavish lifestyle, I also enjoy reading romance novels, listening to hit songs by Toto on loop, and staring at my Betty White pin-up calendar. Follow him at @TheProtonP on Twitter!!

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Thousands Sick with 80-Degree Flu Today

330SharesMINNEAPOLIS, MN – In what can only be described as the largest summer epidemic, ...

illiterate medical scribesilliterate medical scribes

Hospital Administration Cuts Corners by Hiring Illiterate Medical Scribes

928SharesBALTIMORE, MD – Always brainstorming innovative ways to improve the bottom line, hospital administrators at ...


10 Signs Your “Child” Has Outgrown the Pediatrician

452SharesMuch to the dismay of parents, their children eventually outgrow the comforting walls of ...

Medical Student in Library Mistaken for Homeless Man

37.7KSharesWORCESTER, MA – Local medical student Jeremy Wynn was escorted out of his medical school ...