vanc Zosyn

ID to Prescribe Way More Vanc & Zosyn in 2020

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ARLINGTON, VA – Gomerblog is thrilled to report that the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) has officially revealed their New Year’s Resolution, and it is to prescribe way more vancomycin & Zosyn (piperacillin-tazobactam) in 2020.

The IDSA announcement has been the long-awaited response to feedback from non-ID health care professionals that they need to “chill out” regarding antibiotic use.

“We’re stingy, really stingy with antibiotics, in particular broad-spectrum antibiotics, to the point we were stressing out over it and driving our blood pressures to the roof,” explained IDSA spokesperson Merrill Pelham. “This is the year, 2020 is the year we loosen up and have a little fun with it. A little vanc & Zosyn isn’t going to hurt anyone. So seriously, go nuts, we’re totally cool with it.”

According to the newly-updated IDSA website, all patients should be started on empiric broad-spectrum antibiotics irrespective of diagnosis, and if cultures are negative after 48 hours, just “f**k it, keep them going indefinitely.” In fact, Pelham encouraged all health care professionals to add on both acyclovir and micafungin for, what infectious disease specialists are now calling, “sh*ts and giggles.”

Tomorrow morning the IDSA plans to reinforce their 2020 New Year’s Resolution by publicly denouncing antibiotic deescalation and recommending antibiotic courses of at least 6 weeks duration no matter what.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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