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Cleveland, OH – Cleveland Clinic has developed a better and faster coronavirus test. With better testing available scientists have not only tested people but the toilet paper everyone is hoarding.

To everyone’s surprise the toilet paper tested POSITIVE for coronavirus.

Coronavirus all over this roll

“This changes everything!” Dr. Akoc told reporters. “This virus will now spread faster than previously thought.”

“We surprisingly overlooked that the world’s supply of toilet paper is made in Wuhan, China and Northern Italy,” Dr. Akoc continued. “These are two of the hottest outbreak areas in the world right now.”

The CDC recommends not to use any of the toilet paper they purchased since December 29th. Not only can you catch it from touching the toilet paper, but also from the use. Washing your hands after use is typical but will not protect you.

“People will get coronavirus directly from toilet paper to anus transmission,” Dr. Akoc continued. “We recommend soap and water to clean until we get this figured out.”

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Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.