ATLANTA, GA – The CDC just released a new strategy in fighting novel coronavirus or COVID-19. They will limit, or completely shut down all future testing of Coronavirus. “If we stop testing for COVID-19, we will stop having new cases arise,” CDC director Robert Redfield told reporters at a press conference Wednesday when asked what the CDC is doing about the rapid growth of COVID-19 in the US. “We really need to develop new strategies to fight this virus, it’s growing out of control,” he added.

Please don’t test me

This new strategy was unfortunately implemented too late in the United States. The coronavirus infection, which has been sweeping the globe by storm, the number of infected Americans has already reached in the 1000s. “If we would have started the ‘no-testing’ strategy immediately we would be sitting here with ZERO cases of coronavirus!” Redfield said.

“It’s the number of new cases growing that is causing high anxiety and panic. Cutting this number will help with the chaos,” Mr. Redfield said. “This is the main reason testing kits have been limited and will continue to be limited for the foreseeable future. Now schools won’t need to be canceled and we can get back to normal life.”

Mr. Redfield had to cut his interview short due to excessive coughing and a fever. Unfortunately his illness is still a mystery at press time.

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.