• 2.4K
    Shares

BIRMINGHAM, AL – An area anesthesiologist who is currently 3 days into his 14-day self-imposed quarantine behind a drape fort is unusually anxious and on edge as he is facing the stark reality that he is running dangerous low on sudoku supplies.

“I have definitely underestimated how many sudokus I go through in a day,” said Dr. George Berry, who was quick to point out that the number one cause of morbidity & mortality in the Anesthesia population is sudoku withdrawal. “I forgot to factor in all those work breaks. Those are a lot of hours not doing sudoku. I don’t have to take those breaks here. I think this is a borderline crisis.”

Berry’s current vital signs include temperature 38.0, blood pressure is 150/84, heart rate of 115, respiratory rate 16, and oxygen saturation of 98% on RA. He is currently maintaining his airway. His underwear is heavily soiled.

Gomerblog estimates Berry will fully deplete his sudoku supply by 11:45 AM tomorrow. Unfortunately, Berry does not have any emergency rations of crossword puzzles. Palliative Care has been consulted and will likely make a strong recommendation that he become DNR.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.