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NEW YORK, NY – First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now Gomerblog has learned in a breaking development the nation’s army of orthopods have suspended bro hugs for the next 60 days. The announcement was made by the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (AAOS) just within the past hour.

The novel coronavirus, or COVID-19, has completely altered everyone’s lives across the world, and it is no different for orthopods here in the United States. However, they have embraced the challenge. They want to set an example.

“Staying at home, social distancing, whatever it takes to slow the spread of disease, even if that means not touching a femur for 14 days,” explained Gomerblog correspondent and orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Brock Hammersley, who currently is in self-quarantine after contracting coronavirus after an ill-fated trip that took him through China, South Korea, Iran, Italy, Japan, and the Pacific Northwest earlier this month. “I miss not bro-hugging my bros, but it is for the greater good. Bros and lady bros: don’t hug your bros, bro.”

The AAOS warns orthopods that it will be difficult to break the habit of hugging your bros and may lead to the dangerous reflex of high-fiving your brorthopod. In the event that happens, the AAOS is reminding orthopods to wash their hands as if they were entering a surgical case. If orthopods find themselves repeatedly high-fiving and putting the public at risk, orthopods will have their hands amputated.

“We must be smart,” Hammersley added, “but I have complete faith once we have defeated this we will be able to be bro on bro like never before. I can’t wait.”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.