OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL – In the ongoing fight against the novel coronavirus, healthcare workers across the country have been resorting to all sorts of innovative methods in the pursuit of helping the most patients possible. Some examples of such pioneering ideas include using a single ventilator for multiple patients, using bandanas for masks when actual masks are lacking and occasionally even leaving open beverage containers at work stations.
Notably absent in it all has been the Joint Commission (TJC) and their incessant inspections to enforce their arbitrary so-called “standards.” We called TJC President Mark Chassin to ask him about this, when he didn’t answer our phone calls we emailed him. When he didn’t answer our emails, we sent our local correspondent Dr. Amy G. Dala to Joint Commission headquarters to investigate.
Upon arriving at TJC HQ, Dr. Dala found Dr. Chassin and the entire Joint Commission Board of Directors and Inventors of Arbitrary Guidelines all in the play area of the daycare center next door with their heads stuck clavicle deep in a sandbox.
When Dr. Dala tried to get a quote from Dr. Chassin or any of the other TJC officers, they all refused to extricate their craniums from their sandy sanctuaries.
Dr. Dala found a hand written note next to the sand box written in crayon that read “Hibernating until COVID gone. Do whatever you want but get those damn drinks away from the nurses stations!”
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