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Orlando, FL– When Dr. Kristy Weber, AAOS President, made the difficult decision to cancel the 2020 annual AAOS meeting due to coronavirus, she had a lot of time to spend deep in thought. It was then that President Weber decided to make one of the largest nomenclature changes in Ortho history since the AO fracture classification. 

“We’re done with the term Osteoporosis. It shall now and forever more be called Bone Failure.” Dr. Weber announced to the applause and approving grunts of thousands of orthopods sitting at home. 

New AAOS President Dr. John A. Bosco III called the name change “Exceptional leadership of the finest kind by a phenomenal president!”

“it’s time we made people fear our diseases like they feared us in high school athletics.”

“The medicine nerds have Renal failure and Heart failure and Adrenal failure and who knows how many other failures to diagnose patients with. Osteoporosis sounds so unimportant compared to any of the failures.”

“Now that we’re supposed to own the bone, or own the bones as the saying should be, it’s time we made people fear our diseases like they feared us in high school athletics.”

“Bone failure really helps drive home the point that the whole damn organ system is falling apart and that we damn sure need to do something about it. Then it’s on to endocrinologists to figure out whether it’s Bisphosphonates, Pulsed PTH, SERMs, Calcitonin or any of the other options is best for the patient.”

“Bone failure. It’s the new hotness. Now let’s start taking it seriously!”

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Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal