Atlanta, GA – CDC released new guidelines Thursday which includes a “Duct Tape Mask” for Dr. Oz to wear. “These new guidlines should have been in place years ago,” Dr. Stephanie Harper the head of CDC public policy told reporters. “These new guidlines should significantly slow-down the spread of false information.”

Dr. Oz who became a famous for playing a doctor on TV recently has been an self described expert on the Coronavirus and the Economy. Each on their own would take decades to master but he has managed to read “a couple studies” and explain what is best.

“We thought we could slow down the spread of the virus by slowing down false information,” Dr. Harper explained further. “The best way to do this is Duct Tape, the good stuff.

Dr. Oz‘s latest controversy came during a clip on cable news where he said: “I tell you, schools are a very appetizing opportunity, [to start opening the economy],” adding that resuming classes, according to his reading of a new medical journal analysis, “may only cost us 2 to 3 percent in terms of total mortality.”

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.