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Chicago, IL- The American Association of Orthopaedic Surgeons announced today that the nation is running out of orthopaedic surgeons. 

“We’re losing 1,500-2,000 surgeons everyday. They’re just dropping like flies due to wearing masks in the OR.” AAOS President Dr. Joseph Bosco III told Gomerblog. 

Felt cute, might die of mask hypoxia later.

“It’s clear that rebreathing exhaled carbon dioxide due to mask wear is the cause. It was never a problem until COVID experts from Facebook University pointed out the dangers of mask wear.”

Dr. Bosco explained, “When I saw a Facebook post by a high school dropout from my home town educating me on the risks of mask wear, I immediately feared the worst. Sure enough, once surgeons read about these risks in unsourced memes on social media, they started feeling the impact.”

After seeing 2,000 Orthopaedic surgeons drop dead from “carbon dioxide poisoning” as warned by social media-based medical experts, Bosco knew it was time to do something to alert the sheeple. 

A similar number of General surgeons have succumbed to mask related deaths since the awakening. Nurses seem somehow immune to the effects of wearing nurses. RNs across the country have been able to soldier on adding mask wearing without dying to their impressive skill set that already included ignoring their bladders for entire shifts. 

When asked what the plan is going forward to prevent more surgeons from dying from wearing masks, Dr. Bosco revealed that he had started doing some actual scientific research. “I wore a pulse ox on my earlobe for an entire day of surgeries while wearing an N95 mask and a regular mask over that. Turns out, the fear of hypoxia from mask wear is on par with fears of a unicorn apocalypse. My sats never got below 97%.”

After learning that deaths from mask wear were not actually possible, all of the “dead” surgeons got up and went back to work like the non-hypoxic sheeple that they are. 

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Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal