DENVER, CO – Doctors, skeptics, and the scientific community as a whole, were stunned today when the North American branch of the Society for Complimentary and Alternative Medicines (SCAM) published a robust double blind randomized control trial showing that a new homeopathic burn remedy is effective in the acute management of first-degree burns, scalds and ouchies.
Dr. Carolyn Eschar, head of plastic surgery at St John the Apostle’s burn centre in Arizona said she was shocked when she first read the paper. “I’m always very wary of SCAM trials; their scientific basis, methodology are usually hopelessly flawed. However after reading this paper over and over, and over again, I’m forced to admit it, this works.”
The remedy in question, Acionna, is a 30C dilution of boiling water. The trial compared it to the standard allopathic treatment for acute minor burns: immersion in cold tap water. In all cases immersion in a preparation of Acionna was just as effective as control.
Skeptics were forced to admit that true double blinding was achieved as neither homeopaths, their clients, nor highly-sensitive mass spectroscopy was able to distinguish Acionna from the tap water control.
Dermot Oscar Conrad, President of SCAM, who insists everyone call him DOC: “It feels fantastic to be vindicated in our long held, unshakable faith in homeopathy.”
“Water has a memory, and this water remembers being hot. Boiling hot. Hence a preparation of Acionna can be used to cure anything caused by heat: like cures like! To treat a minor burn simply dissolve one Acionna pill in a bowl of tap water and immerse the injured part for 10-15 minutes.” explained DOC.
“Through the magic of homeoquantumness the more you dilute Acionna the stronger it gets: if you don’t receive adequate relief from one treatment simply add more cold water and repeat.”
GomerBlog asked local patrons of Dana’s Holistic Medicine, Crystal and Fairy Sanctuary for their opinions. “To think all this time I’ve been using cold tap water to treat minor burns,” said mother and SCAM enthusiast Cathy Wilson. “Sure Acionna is more expensive, but it’s holistic!”
SCAM investors have high hopes for future trials of a 200C dilution of sun warmed water to treat thirst and minor dehydration.
They aren’t classed in degrees any more. If you got the language right it may give you a bit more legitamacy. Probably not though because you just make this up.
Hilarious!
Kris Simon
Matt Green
Rory David
That was epic!
Sadly,this pretty much aligns with my thoughts of the majority of the holistic movement
^^^ Are you sure you didn’t have too many homeopathic lagers?
Beth Kiser, another for your files…experiment on TK if necessary!
I want to thank you. I have not laughed like that in a long, long, long time.
Every time homeopathic therapy comes up I think of that.
I heard it had that fatal chemical dihydrogen monoxide in it- I wouldn’t be putting chemicals like that in my body thank you very much…
Erm, best not to mention to the RVC cert assessors I said that though
I take it you have the energy to make a sandwich
At last, I am vindicated! Now perhaps copper pyramids will get the recognition they deserve too
Ed Rowe
Society for Complementary and Alternative Medicines (SCAM) has been making me laugh for hours… You got me with just the headline! Good one.
You eat it with the spines on so it cuts up your mouth and esophagus preventing you from eating anything else!
Scientific proof!
Nilu Pez
SCAM also has its own credentialing process, for all those interested in becoming official scammers.
LOL!!
http://www.hindustantimes.com/chandigarh/ramdev-s-pharmacies-selling-medicine-to-help-bear-male-children/article1-1311268.aspx
Fact is stranger than fiction.
It must be like a cumulative effect. Like once you eat enough it totally reverses everything.
Cami Sharp I’ve also heard eating cactus cures diabetes (told to me by a blind patient getting a permacath placed for HD)
Maripat ‘Rodriguez’ Hodges seems legit
A cure? Say it isn’t so! A miracle!
Also shown effective in treating dehydration, heat exhaustion, and dry mouth!
For those who haven’t seen it. Enjoy
http://youtu.be/HMGIbOGu8q0
Dr Oz endorsed , also makes a great chip dip
Matt Fowler
Alice Pearlman
Laura Hudson