EVERY HOSPITAL, USA – Hospital administrators have finally cracked the secret to passing the highly-dreaded Joint Commission inspections. For decades, the Joint Commission (JC) or previously called JACHO, but don’t EVER call them that now or risk having a family member murdered, had inspections that would send even the finest U.S. hospitals into hysteria. Now there is a secret out to pass these inspections and the secret just might surprise you.
Rachel Gillian, a senior hospital administrator at Bayside Medical Hospital, had this to say:
“For years, hospitals have been struggling on how to deal with and pass the JC inspections. We adopted a new strategy called Operation Temporary Change. For the short period of time that the inspectors were here, we would change absolutely everything to meet standards. It really threw the hospital for a loop, so after the inspectors left, we would immediately switch back to our old system in order to actually treat patients in a timely manner.”
To date, Operation Temporary Change is being implemented in hospitals across the country with fantastic success. Pass rate is near 100% and disruption in patient care only lasts 2-3 days during the inspection.
“Once people understand that we just have to make all of these ridiculous changes for 2-3 days, they jump on board and stop resisting,” said Gillian. “As long as they know we will be switching back to normal operations once JC leaves, they are good with it.”
Gillian described some more details of the operation: “Typically a few weeks before the inspectors come, we pass out hospital badge cards that have answers to most of the JC questions. We show people where a few fire alarms are and eye stations and then we are all set.”
“We also found that telling JC that they are so smart and that we love their visits is the icing on the cake to pass these inspections. They love hearing that stuff. I think deep down they have low self-esteem. I mean really, why else would you take that job?” said Gillian.
One positive benefit of the JC visits are that they do provide good camaraderie with the hospital employees. “It gives employees something to laugh about together. You wouldn’t believe how many sarcastic jokes are made during this short time period,” said Gillian. “It’s almost like a stand-up comedy act.”
“For 2 or 3 days I can’t eat at the nurses station, but once they are gone we all bring the food right on out,” said charge nurse Kenny Waterson. “Typically we have a post-JC potluck feast at the nurses station in honor of passing the inspection.”
The Joint Commission refused to comment, and later was overheard crying in a bathroom stall, upon hearing of this breaking news report. Tissues were provided, of course after washing our hands for 30 seconds, and confirming the name and date of birth of the inspector to whom we provided tissues.