lawn mower

Local Man Loses Arm in Lawnmower Accident, ‘Why Can’t My Arm Be Made of Slightly Taller Grass?’

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lawn mower
Mowing a bone-yard would be easier

WITCHITA, KS – Kevin O’Neil had an unfortunate accident yesterday where he lost his right arm.  “I was reaching into the mower to clear some grass that clogged the mower.”  Kevin told reporters before heading back to surgery.

Wednesday evening Mr. O’Neil was mowing his lawn when he hit a slightly taller patch of grass.  As the mower has done a hundred times before, it stopped instantly.  Kevin lifted the mower and started to clear the grass so that he could restart it.  He was able to remove 2 handfuls until the unexpected happened.

Unfortunately for Kevin, the mower suddenly started up pulling his hand and arm into the mower thus severing it off.  Luckily for Kevin’s quick wits he took his belt and made a quick tourniquet. He ran inside and called 911.

He was rushed by ambulance to the local hospital but his arm was so mangled that surgeons planed to only stabilize the bleeding.  Kevin was then able to have his arm saved at the elbow joint.

“I don’t get it, why can’t my arm be made of the stuff that makes tall grass?” Mr. O’Neil complained.  “I mean my two bones didn’t stand a chance.  If I would have mowed over the Scarecrow, he would have survived but Dorothy?  A gonner.  It doesn’t make no sense.”

Hearing this from the window the Wicked Witch of the West, who was sitting on the window ledge, hopped on her broom and flew away crackling, “I’ll get you, my pretty.”  A nurse saw this and defenestrated a chair, and tried to knock her off her broom.  A valiant effort, but unsuccessful due to her entourage of flying monkeys.

“Uh oh,” Kevin said after seeing what just transpired, “I should have kept my dumb mouth shut!  Sorry, Dorothy.”

  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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