orthopedic surgeon
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By Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. Thomas Partinger

Bones.  I like bones.  I like big bones.  I like small bones.  I like bones.  I like long bones.  I like short bones.  I like old bones.  I like young bones.  I like misshapen bones.  I really like broken bones.  I like bones sticking out of skin.  I like bones about to stick out of the skin.  I like all sorts of bones.  I like them.  I like bones.

orthopedic surgeon
“Guys!  I found some bones in here!”

Sometimes bones are broken.  I like to fix bones.  Sometimes I break bones to fix bones.  Sometimes I put screws in bones.  Sometimes I put plates on bones.  Sometimes I put wire around bones.  Bones.  I like to take broken bones and make them straight.  Unless it is not a straight bone.  Then I do not like to make it a straight bone.

The lungs confuse me.  The heart confuses me.  Kidneys confuse me.  The pancreas confuses me.  Bones do not confuse me.  Unless it is the skull.  That confuses me.  Teeth confuse me.  They are bones.  I do not like them as much.  Ancef is good.  I like when anesthesia gives it.  Sometimes gentamicin is good too.  Not as good as bones.  I like bones.

If you consult me about a deep cut, I will ask if there are broken bones.  If you consult me about a crush injury, I will ask if there are broken bones.  If you consult me about an infection, I will ask if there are broken bones.  If you did not get X-rays, I will get them to look at the bones.

I like muscles too.  Sometimes I cut muscles to get to bones.  I do not like nerves.  They are not bones.  They get in the way of bones.

After I finished with my medical school, I was deeply intrigued by the pathophysiology of complex disease processes and the underlying pharmacokinetic changes of our current treatment strategies, but now, I like bones.

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  • Steve Roesler

    Yes. The patient may have a systole, but I don’t even know where I’d start looking to find that, nor what to do with it if I did find it. All I know is there is a fracture and I love fixing dem bones. Classic. steve.

  • Roy Benaroch MD

    Me doctor. Fix bones.

  • Melissa Kirschner

    Haha this is too funny!

  • Sarah Kohrmann

    Melissa Kirschner is this about right?!!

  • Megan Hedlund

    They should have thrown an occasional f-word and “bro” in there for life-like effect.

  • Lauren Mary

    Lol

  • Kevin Nicholas Ong

    I like bones.

  • Habeeb Khan

    I don’t see what’s wrong with it :P

  • Jennifer Hill-Birk

    So, I giggled out loud after I read this.

  • Jackie Bradshaw

    Amy Onstott

  • Steve Gerke

    UTTERLY. BRILLIANT.

  • Ed Dickenson

    Massive like. I like bones.

  • Ananda Arasaratnam

    Simon Fleming, Phil Brown, Ish Singh

  • Joshua Bell

    The last paragraph is spot on

  • Karyn Tapley

    I <3 orthopods…but, gawd, I hate watching them fix bones. Gah.

  • Azra K

    Habeeb Khan

  • Sarah Kohrmann

    <3 <3 <3

  • Kate Dietz

    Gina Kelly

  • Lianna Gallup

    Been a running joke for years where I work. Lmao.

  • Susan Hobbs

    LOL!

  • Kelly McGee

    Joshua Bell omg

  • Emma Costello

    Jane Wilkinson can you please show this to Matt!

  • Oswald Roundandblue

    Patient is in asystole….There is a fracture I need to fix it….Classic!!!!!

  • Heidi Killefer

    Yohanna Craig Vernon

  • Cathy Sinclair

    There is a fracture. I need to fix it.

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