CLEVELAND, OH – After years of nauseating lies and verbal diarrhea, America’s leading medical quack Dr. Oz finally underwent a much needed colonoscopy today that revealed he is completely, unequivocally, and totally full of sh*t (FOS).
“There is certainly no lack of sh*t in this man,” said gastroenterologist John Plumber, his colonoscope caked with fecal matter. “He’s without question full of it. An amazing amount of it. I mean, you can plug Hoover Dam with all the crap in him. FOS fo sho!”
Inspection of his rectal vault noted a giant watermelon-sized fecalith that was mostly full of crap, but also contained vitamins, supplements, frauds, and other scams. Dr. Oz was so full of sh*t from the sigmoid colon to the cecum that he resembled a turd-filled piñata.
“No wonder all the advice he spews out is full of sh*t,” added Plumber. “There’s absolutely nowhere else for it to go.”
Dr. Oz’s ugly and cancerous symptoms have become so profuse and persistent that they’ve metastasized, causing migraines, nausea, and upset stomachs to honest and hard-working healthcare practitioners nationwide. Though today’s colonoscopy was comforting to them all, it revealed what everybody already knew.
GomerBlog is pleased to report that Dr. Oz will meet with his neurologist later this week to undergo neuroimaging to reveal if his brain, like the majority of his medical advice that lacks supporting evidence or rationale, is full of air.
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