MADISON, WI – Emergency air medical transport & critical care transport company, Lift for Life, has significantly changed their operations. In an unprecedented move to save fuel costs, Lift for Life replaced their entire flight crew and nurses with more “flight friendly” personnel.
The move was prompted over the past few years when the nation’s weight has been growing – the flight crew was no exception – along with Lift for Life’s fuel bill.
CEO Frank Withers, who is an overweight male and previous flight nurse, told reporters, “In the old days you had a pilot and two guys. You’d fly to the site, jump out, throw the patient in, and take off.” Frank reminisced. “Now on each flight you need a pilot, co-pilot, flight nurses, paramedics, EMT-Basics, and respiratory therapists. Might as well take a 747.”
Mr. Withers, the entrepreneur he is, decided to send his entire crew to fit camp. This did not get the results he was after, so he snuck gut worms into the company’s free lunch. Oddly enough this was the most effective weight loss option, but he still searched for more. “I was doing it all wrong, I was taking highly trained professionals and asking them to be smaller when it should have been the other way around.”
While sitting with his daughter one night watching TBS, he had an epiphany: Oompa Loompas! “They saved will Wonka’s chocolate factory, they can save Lift for Life.”
Withers then went on a recruiting trip to the race track. Here many jockeys are used because they are athletic and light. Mr. Withers would approach many jockeys after the race and ask, “How about a career in healthcare, son?” or “Sorry for your loss kid, what do you think about riding the air-horse?”
“At first I didn’t like being called a kid, I’m a grown man! But what a great opportunity, I couldn’t pass it up,” a former jockey-turned-flight-nurse told GomerBlog.
After sending these lighter, faster employees to the correct schooling, things are looking up. Lift for Life has shed hundreds of pounds and thousands of dollars off their bottom line.