HOUSTON, TX – At United Data Centers Inc., a web development company, Ralph Summers has called in “sick” four times in the last month. The AMA has recently classified obesity as a disease and some have used this to their advantage. This has allowed almost 30% of the population to park in handicap spaces, ride scooters in malls, and call in sick to work.
“Well, he has a doctor’s note stating that he is overweight,” Dan Fough, Ralph’s boss, told reporters. “So I guess that covers it.”
Talk is escalating around the office that the larger than life male, whose constant chewing sounds are not missed, may continue to call in sick all of December.
“Yup, my obesity is flaring up again,” said the man who continues to eat as if he is Michael Phelps, minus the 7 hours of swimming a day.
“Ralph just about ate a whole turkey and he finished the gravy boat all by himself,” Ralph’s nephew Trevor told reporters about their family’s Thanksgiving. “He definitely gained 17-34 pounds over the holiday. It’s really hard to tell for certain.”
Unfortunately when someone calls in sick for being overweight they don’t get better; in fact, they get worse.
Dr. Renard of the Houston Bariatric Clinic tells us that, “Patients will take that opportunity to eat more, usually sit in front of the TV, and eat the day away.” Dr. Renard now predicts that obesity is classified as a disease, many more Americans will start calling in sick.