JACKSONVILLE, FL – Monday, Brittany Friedly underwent surgery to remove a mass on her left ovary. It was a teratoma that contained hair and 7 gnarly teeth. “When they told me what was in my tummy, I about lost it!” Brittany told reporters. “My doctor said this was common but that is just crazy. It gave me the heebie jeebies. I hope cooties didn’t cause this.”
Brittany asked to have the teeth after the surgery. “After I got over the weirdness of having teeth on my ovary, I thought I can make some money off of this. Why not place them under my pillow, and make a few bucks from the Tooth Fairy?”
Little did Brittany know that these teratoma teeth would unleash a firestorm. Evidently they were breaking Tooth Fairy protocol established during the plague in 1351. A week went by without any money exchanged for these teeth under her pillow. “I started to just put one at a time under my pillow thinking I had too many for that tiny fairy to carry, nothing. A month went by with no money and I had it. I took the Tooth Fairy to court.”
This unprecedented trial lasted one week. Medical expert after medical expert were brought in to testify. Almost all agreed that the teeth in question came from Brittany’s body, and that they could be considered “real teeth.”
“No way, we [the Tooth Fairies] have a contract, a bond, which the tooth must be from the individual and from their dentition, not a teratoma,” Master Tooth Fairy told reporters outside the courtroom.
“Plus we only budget twenty teeth per person, these extra seven threw us over the cliff. If we let these teeth get through, everyone will expect teratoma teeth to bring money.”
More dirty Tooth Fairy laundry is coming out again as old arguments that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t want discussed, surfaced: “Why do rich children’s teeth pay more than poor children’s teeth?” and the well-known tooth by tooth pay discrepancies, where one child’s molar pays $3.14 and the next will grant them $1.85!
Cynics wonder why the Tooth Fairy didn’t just leave a few cents under the pillow and avoid all this terrible press and legal fees. “It’s the principle of the situation; I want the rules to be clear,” The Tooth Fairy said.
Verdict: In favor of the Tooth Fairy. Why? Because it’s Florida.