With First Date Going Badly, ICU Fellow Tries Albumin

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – With his date clearly not enjoying herself and losing interest in him at a rapid rate, local ICU fellow Dr. Jeff Riggs quickly sprung into action and administered 500 cc of 5% albumin.

Boring Date On A Cell Phone“Well, it’s something I like to do when standard fluids have failed,” said Riggs after noticing that his date had barely sipped at her Chardonnay. “For my patients, I think it sort of draws fluid into the bloodstream with, you know, oncotic pressure or whatever, and I figured that in this situation it could boost her mental status or something.”

“Maybe help with her kidneys, too,” added Riggs.  “The stuff is magic.”

According to restaurant sources, Riggs’ date then became edematous and hypoxic, which required emergent awake intubation on the carpeted floor.  Riggs then followed the albumin with 80 mg of Lasix.

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    Jennifer Simoneau

    He should have used Albuterol that shit fixed everything!

  • Avatar
    Guest

    You do realize that’s just a stock photo right?

  • Avatar
    guest

    This one is so impossibly nerdy I can’t stand it. Awesome!

  • Avatar
    Rishi

    My thoughts exactly

  • Avatar
    Katie Hart

    Ha ha ha

  • Avatar
    Heather Noel Favret

    If 500mL put her in overload, she really was sick!

  • Avatar
    Cathy Sinclair

    Love it!

  • Avatar
    Linda Bryson

    Great share…the day before they turn loose the new interns on unsuspecting patients.

  • Avatar
    Andrew Tan

    He shoulda put her on renal dose dopa. Everybody knows that works better than albumin.

  • Avatar
    Lynn Alexis Olsen

    Cindy are you following this ?

  • Avatar
    Jinu Kim

    Hahahaha. Wtf

  • Avatar
    Carole Bryant

    Sounds like a fun date to me. Particularly with a bald asian who’s just insulted my intelligence.

  • Avatar
    Natalie Huff

    Omgggg is this true???!!

  • Avatar
    Natalie Huff

    I told you my albumin story? Right?

  • Avatar
    Christy Oberholtzer

    Natalie Huff

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