SAN JOSE, CA – Obstetrician Dr. Ambika Kumar has found herself in a lawsuit claiming over $14 million in damages by local aggrieved parents.
Shari and Mike Berger report that Dr. Kumar delivered their son, Brendan, 14 years ago at Valley Medical Center, and is showing unmistakable signs of damage due, no doubt, to her incompetence.
“He’s just such a disappointment. He’s disrespectful, only makes BS, and won’t stop hanging around that Kevin. He’s nothing like his older brother Sheldon (a dentist!), who by the way was delivered by a different doctor at a different hospital.”
Most worrisome, Mrs. Berger says, is her son’s language regression. “He used to be such a nice boy, articulate and so advanced. He spoke four-word sentences three months early growing up! But now I’ve watched him slip away… He seems to communicate mainly in grunts, exasperated sighs, and even texts me ‘Mom, can you bring pizza‘ from the basement.”
“We found a personal injury lawyer, Dewey Lye, who explained that there is no doubt this was due to perinatal oxygen deprivation caused by Dr. Kumar’s mismanagement. The kid came out with APGARS of only 9 instead of 10. Clearly this is a sign of negligence.”
In fact, it appears that there might be a class-action suit in the works. Several other families have come forward claiming that their children, ended up being big disappointments in life.
Julia Orsini said that her twins, 11-year-olds Melody and Harmony, have turned out to be colossal let-downs. “We had a dream in pregnancy that they would be tween superstars and win a televised singing competition, bringing us untold riches,” she said. “So you know, gotta live the life, right? Thousands of dollars charged up on the credit cards for wardrobe, photo shoots, voice coaches… And it turns out they’re completely tone-deaf. Dr. Kumar is going to pay!”
LeeAnn and Travis Jenkins are also unhappy with their spawn, Hugh Twistlethwaite Edmund Fitzwilliam Windsor Jenkins, aged 10. “Our son was supposed to play polo, buy us a castle, and take us fox hunting on his country estate,” said Travis. “Instead he spends most of his spare time shooting at stop signs and shoplifting 2 liters of Orange Crush.”
“Yeah!” pipes up LeeAnn. “So cough it up, Kumar. We want our castle.”
Dr. Kumar could not be reached for comment, as she was using her one day off this month to attend a Botox Administration & Medi-Spa Management seminar.