Surgery

Anesthesiologists Compare Arm Tans While Surgeon Repairs Penetrating Aortic Injury

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ATLANTA, GA – As local trauma surgeon Dr. Andre Mackersie desperately tried to gain control of a massively exsanguinating abdominal aortic gunshot wound, the anesthesiologists on the other side of the sterile drape were comparing the depth and degree of their arm tans.

Surgery
“Can you guys STFU about your tan lines and push blood!”

“Look how even this is, Joel.  You’ve got nothing on me,” said Dr. Mark Aldrich, brandishing his baby-smooth forearms as blood spattered onto the OR lights.  “You’ve actually got more burn than tan.  You rushed it.”

“Whatever, man,” countered Dr. Joel Willis, flexing his gleaming, Kiehl’s-basted bicep while the patient’s heart rate approached 190.  “I don’t spend as long on the [golf] course as you because it’s called fewer strokes.  This shade is totally intentional.  You’re so orange you look like John Boehner.”

Meanwhile, circulating nurse Karen Rogers rapidly processed fresh frozen plasma while exchanging worried glances with scrub tech Melody Chen, who was passing increasingly larger instruments to a visibly sweating Dr. Mackersie.

In response to the increasing noise in the room, Aldrich and Willis elevated the tone of their conversation from hushed to loudly incredulous.

“Don’t give me that crap, Willis,” exclaimed Aldrich while he one-hand injected a milligram of epinephrine.  “You messed up the back nine last weekend so bad that caddy was embarrassed to be seen with you in the clubhouse.”

“Horseshit!” said Willis, angrily massaging a pack of red blood cells.

As the surgeon made an emergency thoracotomy to get proximal control on the descending aorta, Willis left the room muttering to himself and Aldrich returned to scanning Pinterest for camouflage-colored iPhone cases.

At press time, nurse anesthetist Brent Michaels was being called into the room to crawl under the drape and see if he could get another IV.

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  • Show Comments

  • gomerblog
    gomerblog

    Yes! Agree completely!

  • Avatar
    Marcy James

    Lol !

  • Avatar
    Marcy James

    Oh, my God.
    No words….

  • Avatar
    Go To Ground

    This is obvious satire. A plausible discussion would have been a comparison of the tan lines from Lycra bike shorts. Although the part about massaging the PRBCs was pretty authentic: anything to show off the guns!

    I was also embarrassed to read this as an anesthesiologist, because it reminded me that I’m an anesthesiologist.

  • Avatar
    Rachael Truong

    Michael Nguyen

  • Avatar
    Nick Wasson

    ehh…I’ve seen funnier…more just insulting really…

  • Avatar
    Melissa Maria Kalis

    Not everybody in the o.r. Does this. I know I am an o.r. Nurse. I have never heard a golf story from any doctor or surgeon as a matter of fact, that is so old school. :)

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Not sure if your comment is supposed to be funny, as an anesthesiologist as well I’m embarrassed by your lack of humor

  • Avatar
    Nicole Lentz Montanez

    True story….

  • Avatar
    ThePunkyLookingKiddo

    *removes bottle from mouth* Yup, this is satire. *reinserts bottle*

  • Avatar
    Greg Jones

    Not sure if this is supposed to be funny. As an anesthesiologist I’m embarassed by this.

  • Avatar
    Ellen Newberry

    True story…

  • Avatar
    Kayla Cook

    “What ever, man! I don’t spend as long on the [golf] course as you because it’s called fewer strokes. This shade is totally intentional. “

  • Avatar
    Willo

    So typical !!

  • Avatar
    Harry J. Marcus

    Andrew Duren

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    The irony is the editor is an anesthesiologist! It’s been fixed.

  • Avatar
    Simon Prout

    Nothing on your exotic tan Reshma Pargass he he

  • Avatar
    Amanda Holloway

    It’s funny because it’s true

  • Avatar
    Rishi

    Love this!

  • Avatar
    Heather Slater

    Llyn Moon

  • Avatar
    James Berg

    Josh Woolard

  • Avatar
    James Berg

    Josh Woolard

  • Avatar
    Jane Grigsby

    Like figuring out which playlist to make for a 95 y o getting an orif

  • Avatar
    Jane Grigsby

    Like figuring out which playlist to make for a 95 y o getting an orif

  • Avatar
    Jamal A. Qureshi

    Asim Aijaz

  • Avatar
    Jamal A. Qureshi

    Asim Aijaz

  • Avatar
    Khang Do

    Love it!

  • Avatar
    Khang Do

    Love it!

  • Avatar
    Tina Marie

    Nope nope nope

  • Avatar
    Tina Marie

    Nope nope nope

  • Avatar
    Sara Cheng

    LOL!!

  • Avatar
    Sara Cheng

    LOL!!

  • Avatar
    Kevin Ponder

    truth in satire

  • Avatar
    Laura Christy Forshee

    Ha!!

  • Avatar
    Megan Hedlund

    I think they are confused about anethesiologists (sic) ;)

  • Avatar
    Victoria Morgan

    Jason Morgan: read til the end to find the crna hard at work. Lol

  • Avatar
    Frank Butler

    …who was passing increasingly large instruments. LOL.

  • Avatar
    Emma Costello

    One for you Brett Segal!

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