apple pager
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apple pager

CUPERTINO, CA – Lost amidst the excitement of the new Apple Watch has been the new Apple Pager, which is also due to hit shelves later this spring.  For years, health care practitioners have been longing for a much needed upgrade to the archaic pager, if not eliminated completely.  Enter Apple.  We got our hands on an Apple Pager and here’s what we think.

LIKES:

  • Weighs less than a droplet of water
  • Sleek design lets multidrug resistant organisms simply slide right off
  • The Retina HD display allows you to read annoying pages with tremendous clarity
  • The iSight camera allows you take high-quality selfies when having a mental breakdown
  • Apple Maps gives you turn-by-turn directions from patient to patient
  • Touch ID ensures that no one can see your most private pages
  • Expanded Emoji selection helps hammer home good or bad news with each text
  • iTunes access allows you to replace pager alerts with your favorite chart-topping hits
  • Available in black, silver, white, gold, camouflage, vomit, and red-and-white polka dot

DISLIKES:

  • The simplest 8 GB model costs $1999
  • The gold 16 GB Caduceus Edition Apple Pager costs 30% of the nation’s GDP
  • Battery life very short, good for only 3 pages
  • Screen cracks immediately
  • Retina display made with real human retinas
  • Apple Maps gives you incorrect turn-by-turn directions from patient to patient
  • Pairing with Facebook allows you to “Like” pages, which will happen never
  • No USB port or Blu-Ray drive
  • Requires that you carry your iPhone, iPad, and MacBook Air for optimal performance
  • Comes with those free crappy Apple Earbuds

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  • Ali Timmons Enochs

    Maybe my facility will “upgrade”

  • Joyce TC

    Jos E Lyn time to get one of these babies

  • Hashim Mohmand

    Lakesha : ha ha. Ditched my pager a long time ago. Pages now come to my iPhone.

  • Dave Comstock

    “Retina display made with real human retinas” <– love it!

  • Lakesha Powers

    Hashim Mohmand

  • Brian Maher

    Robert Craven. I can’t wait!!! Did you get yours?

  • Frank Lenoir

    MyImaginary Friend

  • Jori Kaplan

    Farah Nasraty

  • Julie Barnett Jarvis

    It’s like it was made with Russell in mind!

  • Jessica Wilson Booth

    “Requires that you carry your iPhone, iPad, and MacBook Air for optimal performance…..” Well we know he has that covered! Julie Barnett Jarvis

  • Donny Booth

    This is all Russell !! Right Jessica and Julie!!

  • Donny Booth

    This is all Russell !! Right Jessica and Julie!!

  • Jane Hall Greene

    Jamie Dwyer. I know you already have yours.

  • Jane Hall Greene

    Jamie Dwyer. I know you already have yours.

  • Matt Dee

    Matt Ware

  • Matt Dee

    Matt Ware

  • Patricia Alderman Valencis

    Takiesha Baynard. Your new pager. LOL

  • Patricia Alderman Valencis

    Takiesha Baynard. Your new pager. LOL

  • Soanjy Nehctyam

    Who’s gonna be the first to say this isnt a real pager?

    Or ask where they can get one. :rolleyes:

  • Soanjy Nehctyam

    Who’s gonna be the first to say this isnt a real pager?

    Or ask where they can get one. :rolleyes:

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