PORTLAND, OR – In what is being called one of the greatest breakthroughs in modern medicine, scientists at Hood River University have discovered a litany of naturally-produced toxins that need exogenous flushing from the human body.
“A lot of the things we believed, even just a few years ago, are about to change,” explained Dr. Mark McKinley, one of the lead researchers on the project. “We actually used to think that under normal circumstances, the human body was capable of metabolizing and excreting toxic substances all on its own.”
Dr. McKinley explained that a convoluted system of organs, enzymes, and cofactors were essentially fabricated by medical science institutions desperate for answers to questions about basic human functioning.
“For instance,” he continues, “we used to think urea, a toxic substance constantly produced by the body, was filtered by the kidney and excreted in urine. Or that drinking alcohol was metabolized by a mysterious enzyme called ‘alcohol dehydrogenase’ to a chemical called ‘acetaldehyde,’ and then again by yet another enzyme to acetic acid, which is essentially vinegar. In hindsight, it’s hard to see how we were fooled. I mean, none of this really seems plausible if you ask me; it’s much too convoluted.”
With the courage to question what seemed impossible, Dr. McKinley embarked on his quest to prove wrong our current understanding of human metabolism.
“I decided to look at populations in this country who seem the healthiest,” revealed Dr. McKinley. “A lot of the people I looked at were doing something they called a ‘juice cleanse.’ It was basically ingestion of a series of different juice combinations, like apricot-cayenne-lime, or asparagus-flaxseed-beet, for weeks on end with the intent of ‘detoxifying’ the body. And that’s when it hit me. These people were so in-tune with their metabolism that they instinctively knew what they needed.”
What began with a simple observation turned into a major project, and culminated in a monumental discovery withstanding rigorous scientific scrutiny.
“Fast-forward five-and-a-half years of research,” says a proud Dr. McKinley, “and we can now throw out all that liver-kidney-enzyme nonsense. It’s clear that the body produces and builds up high levels of these ‘toxins,’ which necessitate ‘flushing‘ by a series of complex and expensive juices. If a person is unable to ‘flush’ the ‘toxins,’ either due to juice-access difficulty or a tragic reliance on out-of-date medical science, the toxin levels build, eventually resulting in death. It’s the same reason our neanderthal ancestors died out. Without the ability to create berry-spinach-parsley or mango-romaine-jicama juices, the toxin buildup would likely have been fatal.”
Dr. McKinley is determined to continue to investigate the intricacies of human metabolism, and next plans to research how various foods can help to balance our bodily pH’s and how gluten is destroying our bodies.