happy hour for health care workers

The Medical Professional Development Drinking Game

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happy hour for health care workers

All health professionals will have to participate in some sort of mandatory professional development from time to time.  Whether it’s an organization-wide initiative to “change the culture” or a departmental meeting to cover someone’s ass, the unavoidable reality is that most of the concepts advanced in these sessions require a certain openness of mind that only alcohol can provide.

Fortunately, meetings are held at times when you won’t be caring for patients afterwards; sometimes they even occupy entire days where you could be taking care of patients.  If you can’t drink during the actual meeting because it would be frowned upon, keep track of your score for afterwards.

The following is a helpful guide to which moments are the most opportune for expanding your consciousness:

• Drink every time “patient centered” is used to mean “satisfies an insurance company mandate.”
• Drink every time a new, unfamiliar acronym is used.
• Drink every time someone says “core value” when they mean “new rule.”
• Drink every time the solution to a problem is a new form to be filled out.
• Drink every time “technology” is used in the abstract.
• Drink every time someone who has never used a new computer program or piece of equipment talks about how great it is.
• Drink every time someone reads off a slide.
• Drink every time the airline industry is mentioned.
• Drink every time an outside consultant cannot answer a question about your organization.
• Drink every time someone in the audience answers a question that the speaker should know the answer to.
• Drink every time that a problem everyone in your department is painfully aware of becomes a revelation to someone in senior management.
• Drink every time you’re reminded to say “Joint Commission” not “Jay-Ko.”
• Drink every time you can’t resist the urge to text one of your co-workers in the room about something that was just said.
• Drink if the words “Press Ganey” are even thought of.
• Drink if you are told how important you are to the organization and if what you do matters.
• Drink when you are instructed on how to answer the phone appropriately.
• Drink if a 1980s produced safety or instructional video is played.
• Drink if another damn Swiss cheese model is thrown in your face

Some extra “drink” additions from fans!

  • “Meaningful use”
  • “Door to (anything) time”
  • “Throughput”
  • “Length of stay”
  • “EMR improvement”
  • “Mandatory screening question”
  • “We all have to do more with less”

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    mighty_aphrodite

    You *do* understand that this is a satire, right?

  • Avatar
    Casca

    Thousands of medical personnel would be incapacitated for days !

  • Avatar
    Casca

    I give them a concerned look and whisper ” Help Me !” and pass by

  • Avatar
    Elliott says meow

    “…but it won’t affect patient care.”

  • Avatar
    John Peterson

    Add “quality improvement” and “a culture of safety” and “quality metric”

  • Avatar
    Julie Ann Gaca

    Looking forward to playing this one!

  • Avatar
    D Brendan Kite

    A wink and “How YOU Doin’?” does not count, apparently. That tends to generate memos.

  • Avatar
    Linda Gemmell

    Spell error it drill down

  • Avatar
    Linda Gemmell

    Lmao…don’t forget the “f” words…f in and f out. What about trillion deeper dive and systemness

  • Avatar
    Brett Goy

    Will Hooks can we institute this at the next department meeting

  • Avatar
    Brian Jordan

    Lol. I read this and about died. We would all be so drunk, if we did this

  • Avatar
    Kim Thurston

    Brian Jordan and Cindy McMillin Cole, can we do this at work?

  • Avatar
    Krista Turner

    “Busting paradigms”

  • Avatar
    Michele Walsh

    Seriously….

  • Avatar
    Patty Vadell Lou

    Team member or associate engagement.

  • Avatar
    Elise Peterson

    Hilarious

  • Avatar
    Merryn Partridge

    There is always one kill-joy on a thread. Are you an administrator ?

  • Avatar
    Melissa Black Dieter

    My all time favorite hospital memo, the entire OR Dept received, was on “Perineal Fallout” and scrub dresses lol!

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Just had a meeting where all staff are encouraged to appear more friendly to patients
    “At 10 feet give acknowledge another with a nonverbal greeting and within 5 feet a pleasant verbal remark”

  • Avatar
    Jessica Dickson

    I will absolutely keep this in mind. I hear it about 72 times a day

  • Avatar
    Kat Schmidt

    Drinking and medical profession. ……. doesn’t seem to mix. What happened to healthy living?

  • Avatar
    Sarah Barajas

    Jessica Dickson – remember this.

  • Avatar
    Shannon Ensinger

    We just started this!

  • Avatar
    Shannon Ensinger

    It’s hilarious because I’m in an MSN program pushing one of those fancy acronyms! BWWWAAAAAHHHHAHAHA!!!

  • Avatar
    Barbara Harp

    Drink to ‘hydration stations’!

  • Avatar
    Michelle Porter Gelsleichter

    Every time somebody says the word empower or evidence-based practice take a drink.

  • Avatar
    Laura Olson

    HCAHPS, SCIP, Value-Based Purchasing, Stakeholders

  • Avatar
    Yassi Nasio

    “Nurse driven”- usually means a nice phrase to satisfy nurses because no one listens to is anyway and we still have to get an MD to sign off on anything…

  • Avatar
    Carol Willhelm Dellinger

    “No money, no mission.”

  • Avatar
    Carol Willhelm Dellinger

    “No money, no mission.”

  • Avatar
    Amy Hauck

    Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy

  • Avatar
    Amy Hauck

    Love the drink every time the airline industry is mentioned. What about when Nordstrom’s is mentioned? We heard all about them in the Navy

  • Avatar
    Margo Lightman

    “Reduction of turn around times.”

  • Avatar
    Allie Nun Ofurbeewax

    Drink every time someone says:
    “Core Values” (administrative euphemism for New Rules)
    any new acronym that’s more complicated than what it describes
    how important you are as an employee and in the same sentence remind you that you are quickly replaceable if you do not follow ALL the rules

  • Avatar
    Kevin Nelson

    I would very, very drunk.

  • Avatar
    Karen Schmidt

    Wait! One more: “we would like to be transparent about this issue”. I could go on forever…..

  • Avatar
    Karen Schmidt

    Will do when I can access “the corporate compliance website” from work.

  • Avatar
    Katie Whitlock Kimbrough

    Audra Arant Choate

  • Avatar
    Daniel Smith

    I would be in a persistent vegetative state!! This drinking game is too dangerous! LOL.

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Do share the new policy

  • Avatar
    Julie Overbey

    This is an excellent educational opportunity. Usually uttered after an act of stupidity.

  • Avatar
    Joan Henson Heap

    Wow folks! We’re going to be drunk fast!!! ;)

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Stakeholders,
    Buy-in,
    Mandatory consult

  • Avatar
    Mario J Carmosino

    Jeffrey Gengler Julie Ann Gaca Erin Ewing Rose Keith Elliott

  • Avatar
    Mario J Carmosino

    “Evaluating that service line”
    “Synergize”
    “We’re optimizing” AKA firing nurses

  • Avatar
    Karen Schmidt

    “NEW LINEN UTILIZATION POLICY AND PROCEDURE”- no lie, just came in an email yesterday. I will need to drink after I read and abide by it!

  • Avatar
    bluehat2k9

    When a candidate uses the world “holistic” during a DO medical school admissions interview.

  • Avatar
    Jeanne Sincavage

    “Process improvement”

  • Avatar
    Jeanne Sincavage

    Too funny! I left health care in 2007 when the hospital Where I was working wouldn’t hire me for a sedentary position after a disabling injury. Somethings NEVER change…

  • Avatar
    Irina Gelman

    “Evidence based medicine”
    “Evidence based practice”

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    This had me in tears while I LOL’ed!

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Drink every time you hear about how “We all have to do more with less”. I LOOOOVE that one!!!!

  • Avatar
    Patricia Hawkins

    This is good!

  • Avatar
    Juanita Verma

    I am an OT and also I do not drink (dessert is my stress edible) but fun list..especially the acronym one and certain things being a revleation to the sr management. Other ideas: perhaps something about “productivity” being emphasized over pt centered care; also every time a patient tells you a story of how long he/she had to wait for help to get to the bathroom; every time you had to hold your bladder that day or defer eating your own lunch,etc; this more before computerized records but everytime you go to a chart and someone else had it and won’t let you have it

  • Avatar
    Deb Turk

    Double shot for patient satisfaction or Press Gainey!

  • Avatar
    Allie Nun Ofurbeewax

    Drink every time someone says:
    “meaningful use”
    “door to” anything time
    “patient satisfaction”
    “Press Gainey”
    “throughput”
    “length-of-stay”
    “EMR improvement”
    “mandatory screening question”

  • Avatar
    Heide Martin

    Too funny

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Fans, come up with some more ideas and I’ll add them to the list

  • Avatar
    Karen Schmidt

    how about adding: “drink everytime someone says “meaningful use” or “moving forward”

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