SUGARVILLE, TX – The Hershey Memorial Hospital (HMH) has been cited in a nationwide investigation by the CDC.
The investigation is a result of patient complaints to the CDC nationwide. “There have been many, many patients that have contracted diabetes from certain hospitals. It is not just an issue here in Texas but in the nation as a whole,” said Eve Claire at the CDC.
The CDC explains that after extensive and careful investigation, their results have uncovered issues with patients admitted to hospitals that are not diabetic but at discharge are full-fledged diabetics.
The investigation is ongoing, but the CDC informs us that a patient’s lack of primary care or PCP (primary care physician) is no excuse for this outbreak to be occurring nationwide. Private investigations and interviews with patients by GomerBlog have confirmed the CDC’s assumptions and the awful truth: Before admission, no diabetes. At discharge, diabetes.
We interviewed Ms. Candice Crumbe, a recently discharged patient at HMH and new diabetic:
Ms. Crumbe what were you admitted to HMH for?
Well, I was admitted for my bad breathing and my chest was aching. It felt like I had a four-ton file cabinet on it. It was terrible. It all started when I was in the bakery. I was waiting for my super-sized double-XL deep-fried glazed bear claw. As I was sipping my double mocha cinnamon brown sugar coated chocolate chip cookie dough latte… all of a sudden… I couldn’t breathe. They called 911 for me.
When you arrived in the ER what did the staff do for you?
Well, they put some oxygen on me, took some vital signs, started an IV then took an X-ray of my chest. Then they took blood. I don’t know why they did that. It seemed like such a waste of time. They drew blood on me two days ago when I was in this same ER. I had the same bad breathing problem then as well. Why do they need more blood now? They already have my blood from before. They should have fixed my breathing the last time I was in the ER. Now I’m back in here again no thanks to them.
What else did they do for you Ms. Crumbe?
Well, they put these stickers on my chest (like that was suppose to stop my chest ache!) and took a picture of my heart. They gave me some medicine to take but the told me NOT to swallow it and only hold it under my tongue.
How were you feeling then?
Not bad. The chest ache stopped but I had a really bad headache afterward.
What happened next?
Well, that’s when they gave me the diabetes.
I’m sorry, can you say that again?
The hospital gave me the diabetes. They said my “Fonzie levels” were off and that I had the diabetes.
Your Fonzie levels?
Yes, they said my “aaaay one see” was very high and that now I’m a diabetic. All of a sudden I’m a diabetic. That is just crazy. The hospital gave me the diabetes. I know they gave it to me because I haven’t seen a doctor (heck, I don’t even have one!) in over 25 years and I have been just fine. I’m healthy! Last week I was only taken to the ER twice! Now all of a sudden they give me the diabetes for some crazy reason. I called the CDC to complain. I don’t want no diabetes. The hospital can keep their damn diabetes to themselves. I don’t want it. I have enough problems with my bad breathing that they can’t seem to fix.
Did you fill out your patient survey after discharge Ms. Crumbe?
You bet I did! I was mad they didn’t have any baked goods or fancy coffee drinks in the ER. Not to mention they don’t even have any HBO channels on the TVs! It’s barbaric down there I tell ya’. This is the USA, not Somalia forcrissakes!
The investigation by the CDC on this matter continues. Leadership at HMH couldn’t be reached for comment. Many technicians from Comcast were seen working the ED however.