Rand Paul

Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level

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KENTUCKY – In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to “mental disorders” and most should be “voluntary.”  In an exclusive interview with NBC, he states parents “should have some input” into whether children should get vaccinated and that “most vaccines” should not be mandatory.

Dr. Paul, an ophthalmologist, which for anyone wondering is a medical expert for one particular organ, the eyeball, which is obviously known for its systemic disease fighting abilities.  In Dr. Paul’s mind, having advanced knowledge of the eyeball, makes him a world-renowned expert on public health, infectious diseases, microbiology, and virology.  Also, being a senator for the past 5 years and having an immense amount of free time, has allowed him to stay up to date on medical studies and medical practice.

“In my opinion, Dr. Paul’s statement is backed by his medical expertise,” said Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey.  “Parents should have a choice when it comes to vaccines.  It is all about parent and patient satisfaction these days, and not about making the right medical decisions anymore.  Practicing physicians and researchers don’t know anything these days anyways!  Look at how wrong they were with Ebola.”

Duke University Medical School is rumored to already be taking down pictures of Dr. Paul displayed in their lobby.  A spokesman from Dr. Paul’s alma mater stated, “We were always proud to have Dr. Paul graduate from our program, but after hearing his comments, we just don’t want the affiliation anymore.”

Jenny McCarthy is delighted to have Rand Paul join her ranks.  “My agents are already contacting him to have a joint conference on the dangers of vaccines.  I can’t wait to show him around the Playboy Mansion too!”

  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the plague...plus it looks good.

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