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The Search for the Remains of Jimmy Hoffa Turns to ABIM’s Philadelphia Condo

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PHILADELPHIA, PA – The decades-long search for Jimmy Hoffa took yet another an unexpected turn this week following revelations that the American union labor leader who had ties to organized crime was not participating in the American Board of Internal Medicine’s (ABIM) Maintenance of Certification (MOC) program.

fbi detectives“As recently as this past summer he was not dead,” said FBI special agent Hugh Tutu.  “He was just an internal medicine doctor.”

Many theories have circulated about Hoffa’s whereabouts following his widely-publicized disappearance in July 1975.

“We dug up acres of Detroit just looking for the guy,” said Tutu.  “We found nothing except an MCAT study book, a personal statement, and a letter of recommendation from President Nixon.”

A cold-case review of Hoffa’s file performed earlier this month at the FBI headquarters changed things dramatically when a Google search turned up a solo practice internal medicine clinic in Philadelphia registered under Hoffa’s name.

“It turns out that he started a second career as a primary care doctor in Philadelphia.  He wasn’t dead, people may have just assumed so.  I guess it’s not too surprising since he trained before the work hour restrictions,” said Tutu.

Erroneously being declared dead is not an infrequent event for doctors, according to Jeb Sherron, the Director of Vital Statistics for the U.S. government.  “As many as 10% of internists and 30% of surgeons are reported as dead by their families.  Pathologists, allergists, and dermatologists seem to be immune to this phenomenon.  I guess it’s hard to be mistaken as dead when you work 30 hours a week.”

After finishing his training, Hoffa reportedly became a local physician leader, being elected as president of the Pennsylvania chapter of the ACP.  He was a vocal opponent of ABIM’s expansions, championing an unsuccessful revolt against the new recertification requirement in the 1990s.  He had recently become vocal against the MOC program.

That is, until June 2014 when he disappeared.

“Dr. Hoffa had me reschedule his last few patients abruptly as he had to meet with some folks from the ABIM one afternoon,” reports Jane Segway, his office manager.  “It had something to do with an expensive quality project that he didn’t have time to do.  He never came back.”

The FBI is planning on searching the ABIM’s multimillion dollar Philadelphia condo later this week after they received an anonymous tip suggesting that Hoffa may be “swimming with the fishes” on ABIM’s property.  The FBI was unwilling to comment on whether they planned on searching both exotic fish tanks on the property or if they were going limit it to the lap pool and twelve jacuzzis.

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    Terry N Teresa Rolan

    Hilarious, but I bet many readers were not born when Hoffa disappeared the first time!

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    Scott Greenberg

    There’s no way they will ever find him. ABIM has spent several billion dollars acquired from unnecessary testing and MOC fees to build a missile defense system around their real estate investments while sitting at their desks not having seen a patient in 30 years.

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    Christen Ebens

    Jimmy Hoffa makes gomerblog – what?!

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