PHILADELPHIA, PA – On top of numerous changes, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) issued an apology to members of the internal medicine community today for its mistaken approach to the Maintenance of Certification (MOC) program.

“Our intern got it wrong and we sincerely apologize,” wrote ABIM President and CEO Dr. Richard Baron in a handwritten letter using a quill pen and parchment to achieve full dramatic effect.  “I asked my intern to draft the MOC program and now realize that I was foolish to assign him such a complex topic,” he wrote in the letter in beautiful calligraphy.  “In addition, I cosigned the intern’s MOC program note without fully reading it.  I am truly sorry for this mistake.”

Inspection of the original MOC program posted on the ABIM website reveals numerous errors, not only with typos, but also mention of enrollment fees and Practice Assessment, Patient Voice, and Patient Safety modules.  “My intern wasn’t as sharp as I had thought,” wrote Baron with tidy penmanship by candlelight.  The MOC program was cosigned by Baron himself: “I saw and examined the MOC program and agree with the findings and plan as outlined in my intern’s note above.”

“I am shocked,” admitted Cut & Paste Medical Center (CPMC) chairman of internal medicine Dr. Ronald Awheckno.  “It’s critical to always read your intern’s draft of major guidelines.  Always.  Especially after the mishap of 2014.”

Awheckno is referring to the release of the Eighth Joint National Committee (JNC 8) hypertension guidelines back in February 2014 when panel members realized that their intern had simply cut and pasted from the JNC 7 hypertension guidelines.  Ultimately, the JNC 8 apologized with a succinct “our bad” before correcting the mishap.

GomerBlog has attempted to reach the MOC program intern for comment, but he is currently unavailable since he is taking a mandatory nap after having a warm cup of milk.  It should be noted that the mandatory nap guidelines implemented by the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) was also drafted by an intern.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.