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CASH MOUNTAIN, MA – With much excitement, Shirley Survey, MBA, M$, JD of Prezz Gainey (PG) announced the release of the much anticipated Hospital Administrator Satisfaction Survey.  “Following the enormous impact of the Patient Satisfaction Survey (PSS) on the quality of care and our corporate bottom line, we feel that Administrator Satisfaction Survey (ASS) is a natural follow on.  And each survey comes with its own deluxe clipboard, which administrators appreciate.”

hospital administratorsPreserving the methodology of PSS was of crucial importance in developing ASS, reported Mrs. Survey.  Much like it’s predecessor, ASS will be a superficial and an oversimplified metric, broadly-covering multiple complicated aspects of healthcare delivery.

For instance, just like PSS, ASS was meticulously calibrated to correlate inversely with clinical outcomes and efficient allocation of resources.  Furthermore, it will only rank providers of record on the day of the the survey, ignoring all primaries, consultants and nurses who cared for the patient in the last three weeks.  ASS starts with a Time-Out to make sure that the proper survey is being administered.

ASS will contain the following categories:

1) Administrator Satisfaction with Patient Satisfaction Scores AS-PSS.

While some criticized PG for including this section as biased and designed to cross promote PSS, PG validated AS-PS, working with the Hospitals United Group of Excellence in Administration Satisfaction and Sustainability (HUGE ASS). A prospective study of 465 administrators conducted last week, demonstrated that high patient satisfaction scores indeed correlate positively with high administrator satisfaction. In fact PSS scores far outweigh physician or nursing satisfaction (or sanity) in achieving high administrator satisfaction.

2) Documentation Satisfaction: Does the chart contain enough checklists, warning stickers, documentation reminders, time outs and algorithms to your satisfaction?

3) Nursing:. Are your nurses charting vitals in three separate locations? Do you think more locations are needed? Is there food at the nurses station!?!

4) How satisfied are you with the duration of multidisciplinary rounds?

5) Are you satisfied with the number of meetings?

6) Are you spending enough time on the golf course?

7) Quality of board room dinners. Is the steak exactly to your specifications?

8) Administrator satisfaction with Administrations Involvement in Administration and Coordination of Care and Survey Administration

While some doubted the role of ASS in healthcare delivery, PG validated the entire survey in a study conducted yesterday between two groups of Administrators.  The experimental group was administered ASS on a deluxe clipboard, while the control group was given a deluxe clipboard with a coloring book and crayons. Administrator satisfaction was measured the following day.  Overwhelming a majority of Administrators preferred ASS over a coloring book clipboard, permanently solidifying ASS an indispensable tool in satisfying administrators in healthcare delivery.

Implementation of ASS will be funded by eliminating graham crackers, 2-gram sodium diet, cutting aspirin dose to 40 grams, eliminating the gram negative gram stain, reducing the anti-biogram and echocardiograms, trimming the aortogram and slashing various other hospital programs.

“This sure is a grand slam for us, and maybe the patients too,” concluded Mrs. Survey.

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Livin La Vida Locum MD
Livin La Vida Locum MD chose the most rewarding of all medical specialties and became a hospitalist. Wanting to contribute even more to the medical community, he trialed his hand at clinical research, but quickly realized that peer reviewed articles, R2,, and Odds Ratios will never top the impact of thorough healthcare reporting. So he dedicated his life to delivering the finest, deepest and broadest medical news from around the country. He accomplishes this monumental task by accepting locum assignments all over the country; in towns, villages and “hospitals” you never heard of and will never visit. May all fans of medical satire benefit from his wandering.