elderly lady

Sweet Little Old Lady Has Impressive Vocabulary of Profanity

  • 2.1K
    Shares

ATLANTA, GA – 94-year-old and 96-lb. Annabelle Rivers is as sweet and tiny as they come.  She always has her makeup done right first thing in the morning, smiles from ear to ear, and even walks with the cutest little shuffle.  Her melodic and shaky high-pitched voice will melt you like butter.  But don’t you dare cross Miss Rivers when she’s in the hospital; she won’t hesitate to show you her proficient use of profanity and mastery of offensive language.

“This ain’t grits, you c***s***er m****rf***er,” said Miss Rivers to the gentleman from dining services who brought her breakfast.  “You stupid ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, and ****!!!  But the tea is just lovely, just lovely!  Thank you so much!  Mwahhh!!”

She can really cuss up a storm.

“Now where’s the remote to the TV?” later asked Miss Rivers, looking around her hospital room in her adorable matching pajamas with flower prints.  “Hmmm…” After a few minutes, she bellows at least ten straight guttural F-bombs of varying levels of anger, frustration, and intensity.  “Oh, there it is!  Silly me, hehehehe!”

Medical staff admit that Miss Rivers is one of their favorite patients on the inpatient wards right now.  Always cute and always entertaining.  Despite her occasional disturbing, lewd, coarse, and vulgar curse words worthy of an NC-17 rating, sweet little old lady Rivers is an absolute sweetheart.

“#**@#$%*#**#&#***#@@#&*!!!!!” screamed Miss Rivers.  She accidentally dropped an ice cube into her lap.  “Sweet **** of ****, f***!!!!!!!!  Wow, I’m just so silly!”

Silly and impressively filthy.

“I’m impressed how many inappropriate variations she has for ‘penis,’ ‘vagina,’ and ‘feces’ if you wake her up for something,” said nurse Patrick Jones, who carries earplugs in case of a Rivers’ cussing fit.  “She really gets into it, like she’s possessed.  It’s scary, but kind of endearing.  She once called me a huge f*****g ****, ****bag, and an ****hat.  I both laughed and cried a little.”

GomerBlog asked Miss Rivers why she was hospitalized.  “Go s*** my ****, you *******!!!” she replied.  Then she smiled.  “Well, why aren’t you so handsome!  I could just kiss you to death!  Mwah, mwah, mwahh!!!  Now why don’t you give Mama Anna a hug?!”

“My favorite admission history ever came from Miss Rivers,” said hospitalist Erica Hayes, holding a copy of an old history & physical exam document.  “Her chief complaint: ‘F**k you!’  I quoted her a ton.  She LOVES the words **** and ****.  She used over 70 different curse words or phrases in this document alone; I counted!  I just want to be like her when I’m old: cute and a little bit frightening!”

image_pdfimage_print
  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Andi Chickenmom

    I had a cute little old lady come in for a cardioversion. When they delivered the shock she sat up and yelled “what the f**k”. Then went back to sleep.

  • Avatar
    Sally Norton Ticaric

    Don’t remember her name. She was a sundowner who hid behind the door, used her call light and cracked me over the head with her cast when I entered. Spent the remains of the shift trying to sedate and restrain her. I was a student then (1970) and gave serious thought to working a cash register somewhere!

  • Avatar
    Jane Spurrier Brock

    That is my final goal in life. ;-)

  • Avatar
    CinDee

    my grandmother?

  • Avatar
    Misty Jade Freeman

    Worst ass-whooping I ever got was from a tiny 86yo lady. Sugar diabetics are not sweet people.

  • Avatar
    Susan Combs

    This is gonna be me when I retire from nursing. I can just feel it!

  • Avatar
    Raymond Broyles McCormick

    I have been a nurse for 40 years…I won’t say what the men and women have said to me….nor, back in the day…what I was allowed to say back. It is difficult to deal with people in the hospital…crazy or not….yeah, I know…we don’t use crazy, but they can be….also the sundowners. Nurses have a right just as much as the patient to own respect! I have told many women that I am not their butler….you MUST Say Please….when refused…they got nothing….until they learned I am a nurse!

  • Avatar
    Kelvin Corbett

    Shit…I’m laughing while reading this on a Nightshift!!!…. Think My Ex wife said something similar once… Lol!!

  • Avatar
    David DiGiantomasso

    I have taken to directly quoting patients in the history when they threaten me for the sole purpose of writing “cunt” in the medical history.

  • Avatar
    Steve Roshia Jr.

    I remember back before i was a nurse when i worked as a cna i walked into a room and saw this cute old lady sitting on the side of her bed i asked her if she was ready to get dressed she looked down at the floor and then stared at me like she was looking through me and stated one of the most epic quotes of all time “im going to kill you; and i am going to make it look very accidental”

  • Avatar
    Geoffrey Douglas

    I don’t think I even know 70 different curse words. I love these patients though. Their frank honesty can be a little abrasive but they are usually benign.

  • Avatar
    Lynette Calisoca

    Lol! Omg… yes!

  • Avatar
    Abbye Elizabeth Kendrick

    I love these patients

  • Avatar
    Jackie Edleblute

    There’s no one as strong as a demented LOL with no extra fat to hold back those punches!

  • Avatar
    Christopher Joseph Smith

    I myself was cussed by a LOL in NAD just this afternoon.

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Arvan

    I will BE that patient!

  • Avatar
    Eileen Kelly Williams

    Jen… You may see me later down the road ! LOL

  • Avatar
    Elisabeth Antosy

    I had cantankerous older “gentleman” call my colleague and I “Conniving Broads.” So terrible, and so sexist, but thinking about him, and when he called us that makes me crack up every time! Chris Long Evans

  • Avatar
    Maureen Rafferty Miller

    The future me!

  • Avatar
    Laurel Lail Lotterhos

    Sooo true as well… My Mimi was like that. She was ripping out iv’s and throwing things haha

  • Avatar
    Laurel Lail Lotterhos

    Haha that’s funny!!

  • Avatar
    Laura Phipps-Kelley

    Haha Allison Taylor if you really knew

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    Stephanie is a moron, spoken like a new grad that knows nothing about HIPAA

  • Avatar
    David Andrew

    Haloperidol anyone?

  • Avatar
    Allison Taylor

    Laura Phipps-Kelley, lol! How many times now?

  • Avatar
    Carlin W.

    Laurel Lail Lotterhos

  • Avatar
    Sara Mechling Shafer

    Thank you, gomerblog, for ALWAYS making me laugh out loud!

  • Avatar
    Jazmine Santiago

    Omg. Story of our lives.

  • Avatar
    Jenny Wong Swanson

    Jazmine Santiago Haha!

  • Avatar
    Nancy Townsend

    Ahhhh…I now have a worthy goal when I hit her age. :)

  • Avatar
    Meaghan Fleschner Barry

    This was great lol

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Love these patients. I’ll prob end up being one. ;-)

  • Avatar
    Megan Lorge

    Mandy Barber

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog
  • Avatar
    Daniel Marinelli

    Teresa Fisher Cecilia Gibney Thompson Kimberly Mattingly Michelle Burns Marques Patti Stallard Miller

  • Avatar
    Ali Timmons Enochs

    Something Albuterol won’t cure? Respiratory Therapy, the only profession where we cheerfully ask for the finger.

  • Avatar
    Rachel Carty Moehlmann

    This will so be me and you Meaghan Fleschner Barry

  • Avatar
    Anonymous

    Oh yeah!

  • Avatar
    Staci Fetter

    Cindy Piper Shields

  • Avatar
    Tiffany Agler Eggert

    Which inevitably are normal but Bipap is ordered anyway to muffle the cursing!

  • Avatar
    Tiffany Agler Eggert

    I love these patients!

  • Avatar
    Pauline Carstensen

    Hope it won’t be me, SO DEGRADING

  • Avatar
    Angie Cutright

    Abbye Elizabeth Kendrick

  • Avatar
    Kathie Sale Macchioni

    she is my late mother in law. <3

  • Avatar
    Nikki Sturges

    and she will bite you too

  • Avatar
    Robbie McGregor Hamby

    Haha! I vividly remember a 3 year old boy when I was a new nurse who repeatedly called us “shitasses” while we were trying to start his IV.

  • Avatar
    Carol Campbell

    And freakishly long, sharp nails.

  • Avatar
    Gina Blakemore

    Hilarious. Glen :)

  • Avatar
    Daryl White

    Back in the day this type of ‘entertainment’ was limited to VA hospitals

  • Avatar
    Sally Weiland

    Remember Sarah?

  • Avatar
    Karen Allen Creme

    Hipaa hipaa hooray, it was so long ago and her name wasn’t Gertrude :)

  • Avatar
    Lisa Barber

    My favorite was a 90+yr old nun. Wow! could she swear!

  • Avatar
    Shari Brandli

    By all that is good and holy, I swear that this shall be me someday!

  • Avatar
    Stephanie France

    Hipaa!

  • Avatar
    Danielle Fisher

    My favorite patients. Little old ladies that curse like sailors make the shift fun.

  • Avatar
    Adrienne Elizabeth Swan

    Jenn Stanley we were just talking about this!

  • Avatar
    Siobhan Devlin Kocher

    DAY THREE…. Granny goes through DT’s without her daily nightcap; a stat blood gas has been ordered for her unbelievably colourful change in mental status.

  • Avatar
    Karen Allen Creme

    her name was gertrude, she was my first patient during my final clinical in nursing school, and she was too mean to die.

  • Avatar
    Alex Josiah Dunn

    Alicia Kelly-Kochanski

  • Avatar
    Jeni Drake

    This will totally be me in 40 years.

  • Avatar
    Amber Noel Gish

    My favorite patients!

  • Avatar
    Rochelle Woodruff

    This will be me!

  • Avatar
    Nikki Sturges

    And she has the strength of several men.

  • Avatar
    Marietta L. Welch Morhardt

    Try 5 year olds! They can cuss like sailors too when put to the task

  • Avatar
    Seth Miller

    My favorite patient

  • Avatar
    Julie Lea

    Some old nurses BECOME this!

  • Avatar
    Maggie Moore

    Deborah Wheeler-Icenhower !!!!!

  • Avatar
    Tarah Spackman Romanski

    Love little ladies like this

  • Avatar
    Lindsay Borglum

    Caitlyn Eggleston

  • Avatar
    Christina Eldridge

    YOU GODDAMN NI**ER BITCH CUNT!!! Oh Elsa, I remember you so well lol.

  • Avatar
    Khalid Manzoor

    Of course, you poked her seven times and still couldn’t get any blood :-D

  • Avatar
    Katie Wood

    If you haven’t seen June Squibb’s performance of ‘adorable but ornery old lady patient’ on the show Getting On, it’s a must!

  • Avatar
    Kristin Moudry

    Victoria Strickland Junkin

  • Avatar
    Ryan McCracken

    So very true.

  • Avatar
    Emma Grullon

    Quinn Katherine Lancor Caitlin Geary Christy Hucik oh heck why cant i just tag all of 4S at once?!

  • Avatar
    Stef Sim

    I actually met a little old lady like that! Cept her carrying on wasn’t interspersed with any sweet words. You could hear her yelling on from a few beds down. People kept asking, “Is she confused?” My reply, “No, she’s just nasty at baseline.”

  • Avatar
    Katherine Winters

    That’s going to be me, hopefully!

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *