rollercoaster

Local ED to Offer Six Flags-Inspired ‘Flash Passes’ to Skip Long Lines

  • 1K
    Shares

GRAIN VALLEY, MO – In an attempt to boost revenue and cut waiting times, a local Missouri emergency department is beta testing a program that would allow ER patients to purchase theme park-esque “speed passes” for those individuals wanting to bypass long wait times to be seen by a physician.  Emergency department director and Six Flags enthusiast Dr. Kim Copanelli answered questions regarding the controversial program during a press conference outside the hospital last Saturday.

“We want to be very clear here,” explained Dr. Copanelli, self-described amusement park addict, “that we are not discriminating speed of care based on a patient’s financial ability to pay for our coveted FlashPasses.

Patients who desire expedited medical care will have a wide variety of exchange methods to choose from if purchasing a FlashPass monetarily is not feasible.  For example, revocation of call button privileges, signing a non-liability waiver, taking a janitorial or dish cleaning shift, and BYOME [bring your own medical equipment] are all being considered as possible means to obtain a FlashPass.”

The ED director and rollercoaster aficionado went on to explain that the program was being designed with the help of consultants from Universal Studios, Sea World, and other top national theme parks.

When questioned as to the price of the prospective FlashPasses and other details regarding the program, Dr. Copanelli avoided specifics.

“The exact retail value of the FlashPass has yet to be determined,” said the carnival ride connoisseur and veteran emergency physician.  “It is unlikely that FlashPass coupons or Groupon promotions will be released, but monthly specials may be given during certain times of the year, especially during the month of July.  I can also say that monthly and yearly Platinum Club FlashPass memberships for frequent flyers, drug seekers, or those who simply see themselves as priority ED customers, are currently on the discussion board.”

image_pdfimage_print
  • Phil Neutro

    Homo-sapien, resident of Earth, avid breather, hobbies include oxidative metabolism & general homeostasis

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Dianne Benz

    Sorry, meant to type “in most cases”.

  • Avatar
    Dianne Benz

    If you have to ask the cost, you probably can’t afford it! You think the ER is an all you can eat buffet? (in some cases, yes)

  • Avatar
    Ryan William McDonald

    What if I get my hand “stamped” & go to KFC? Do I have to pay anything when I come back, or did the taxpayers pickup this one, too?

  • Avatar
    Michele Marie

    I do send plenty of ambulances to triage when appropriate for the patient and our beds are full and the wait is long. Yup, sure do.

  • Avatar
    Lori Clark

    Ellen Deffenbaugh maybe there will be a refillable Dilaudid Souvenir Syringe available each season? ?? ;)

  • Avatar
    Leslie Moore

    Lenore Bacek, all my animals are getting Flash Passes

  • Avatar
    Tiff Strand

    I don’t belive in the flash pass it should be based on why your there I’ve come there with my knee out of socket a track injury and had to wait in the waiting room due to a “chest pain”

  • Avatar
    Shawn Shedd Crawford

    It’s a satirical article

  • Avatar
    Veronica Nicole Fries

    InQuicker is supposed to be the flash pass. Damn that. Not taking you back before somebody who’s sat in the ED for 2.5 hrs. I turn that sucker off at every opportunity.

  • Avatar
    Ellen Deffenbaugh

    How much does the all-you-can-get dilaudid option cost?

  • Avatar
    Ann Cahalan Ward

    Jessica Normile Michaelis!

  • Avatar
    Ann Cahalan Ward

    We are starting Inquicker in May, J-r Anders

  • Avatar
    Kathy Freeman Young

    If they’re not blue, not breathing or have a limb that’s detached and I’m in triage, the flash pass won’t impress me.

  • Avatar
    J-r Anders

    Have you heard of Inquicker? It’s already happened.

  • Avatar
    Susan Ann Meyer

    As Mr. Kurtz mentioned, while the Psych Eval Flash Pass is available in many areas, sometimes you can’t get off the ride for 48 to 72 hours and the ride may let out at a facility on the other side of the state. But I like the idea!

  • Avatar
    Nat Stelle

    What about the Family Plan Flash Pass ? I mean they only take up one room … .

  • Avatar
    Nat Stelle

    What about the Family Plan Flash Pass ? I mean they only take up one room … .

  • Avatar
    Susan McEachern

    Whatever happened to ESIs?? Shouldn’t we be seeing patients based on what they are presenting with?? If you are well enough to take the time to get a flash pass, you probably aren’t sick enough to be seen right away

  • Avatar
    Susan McEachern

    Whatever happened to ESIs?? Shouldn’t we be seeing patients based on what they are presenting with?? If you are well enough to take the time to get a flash pass, you probably aren’t sick enough to be seen right away

  • Avatar
    Brian P. Kurtz

    I heard that some people using the psychiatric evaluation flash pass have been annoyed that they weren’t able to get off the ride when they wanted.

  • Avatar
    Davis Angie

    We already have that in the EDs that let you call ahead and set an appointment time for your emergency.

  • Avatar
    Tracey Matarese

    Yeah… My doctor called ahead….!

  • Avatar
    Jaff Gravitron Jones Emperorbrownsuga

    Chest pain flash pass is limitless

  • Avatar
    Mike Dewood

    911 is already used as a”flash pass” …..and the taxpayers buy it for you. I love this country!

  • Avatar
    Debra Lunt

    The possibilities are endless!

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

banana bagbanana bag

Unsure What’s a Banana Bag, Pharmacist Just Bags a Bunch of Bananas

1.9KSharesHONOLULU, HI – New pharmacist Aaron Prior-Auth admits he was flustered when nurse practitioner ...

doctor patient

Patient Impressed by Doctor After Both Skim Over Same Website

307SharesLocal patient Sawyer Schmidt was reportedly quite impressed with the clinical acumen of his ...

Local Jockeys Hired as Flight Nurses to Save on Fuel Costs

14SharesMADISON, WI – Emergency air medical transport & critical care transport company, Lift for ...