sneezy

Sneezy Files $5 Million Malpractice Suit Against Doc

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ORLANDO, FL – Sneezy, a sickly member of the so called, “Seven Dwarves,” filed a malpractice suit yesterday against his fellow dwarf, Doc, for $5 million alleging his medical negligence over many years led to lost wages and severe physical and mental anguish.  Among his allegations, Sneezy claims Doc employed questionable practices in trying to treat what should have been a manageable chronic medical condition, characterized by frequent sneezing.

“Doc used to prescribe all kinds of things for me, but he had no idea what he was doing!” Sneezy exclaimed at a press conference announcing the lawsuit.  “For example, when I told Doc that my illness was keeping me up at night, he just told me to eat this strange-looking apple.  Seriously, what is that going to do?”

“Furthermore, despite the dust making my sneezing so much worse, he was never willing to write me a work excuse to keep me from having to do all of the sweeping and cleaning.  Anytime I’d start complaining, all Doc would do is sing, ‘Hi Ho! Hi Ho!  It’s off to work you go!’ as he would usher me out of the room.”

“Also, what people don’t understand is that I never wanted to be known as Sneezy,” Sneezy stated later at the press conference.  “Once I moved in with the other dwarves, I played along because that was the name I was given.  However, I was teased and bullied all the time by my colleagues.  No one wanted to sit, stand, or work near me because they were afraid they would catch something.  While I may have looked cheerful in the movie, rest assured that off the set, I was very depressed and I went to bed crying every night!”

Sneezy’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, chimed in, “My client, Sneezy, has filed this suit out of desperation.  Over the years, Sneezy has lost productivity, quality of life, and has had an inability to find a mate due to his sneezing-related medical condition.  He placed his trust in his friend and colleague, Doc, to properly treat this awful disease.  Based on this breach of trust, my client is outraged.  Unable to reach a fair financial settlement, we were left with no option but to seek justice in the legal system to rectify this physician’s callous and repeated incompetence.”

Last month, Sneezy underwent a battery of tests at the Mayo Clinic and was diagnosed conclusively with allergic rhinitis, according to Ms. Allred.  Now on antihistamines and nasal steroids, Sneezy has been doing much better and sneezing less.  In fact, he has been doing so well that he recently filed papers to change his name to “Steve.”

Doc declined to comment for this story, stating through his publicist that he had moved on with his life.  Recently, he was cast as Peter Dinklage’s stunt double for the popular HBO series Game of Thrones.

If you enjoyed this article, please check out the Author’s website First World Emergency Medicine for other great articles.

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  • Milli of Dilli

    After picking up the basics of medicine by watching TV shows, I moved to LA, forged a medical school diploma, and somehow found some success in the late 80’s as an event physician for major Hollywood events. However, it all came crashing down while working the 1990 Grammy awards. While “Girl You Know it’s True” was being played live, a stagehand went into cardiac arrest and I was called upon to help. Unfortunately, as I tried to lip-sync CPR instructions, the speaker on my cassette player stopped working and I was exposed for a fraud. After serving time in prison, I went to medical school and residency and I finished training to become an Emergency Medicine physician. Instead of using this training and knowledge for good, I decided to abuse it to become a professional drug seeker. Armed with advanced medical knowledge, my quest remains to go from ED to ED searching out the drug seeker’s Holy Grail: syringes filled with 1mg of hydromorphone, the so-called “Milli of Dilli.” While I am not drug seeking, I have decided to write medical satire posing as a typical First World emergency physician. My website, with my other satirical articles that did not make it into Gomerblog, can be found at http://www.firstworldem.com and my twitter handle is @firstworldem

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Maija Mauch

    Sleepy probably has a good case as well

  • Avatar
    W. Aaron Kay

    Lack of a mate? I thought they had an eight-some at least once a month

  • Avatar
    Christopher Blewett

    Is he one of your allergy patients? Hari Reddy

  • Avatar
    Eileen Left

    His raspberry ketones were dangerously low

  • Avatar
    Eileen Left

    You are on a role this am!!!

  • Avatar
    Kelley Hughes Reep

    Doc probably treated him with essential oils after watching the (Wizard of) Oz show.

  • Avatar
    Michaela Lieb

    Oddly we never saw him sneezing in the mine. According to their song they got rich quick, and we’re merely digging bc it’s what they like to do. So it would appear that he had the means to move out. And judging by the state of the cottage, no cleaning took place before Miss White came in.

  • Avatar
    PDara MD, FACP, MBA

    Apropos RT : Sneezy files $5 million malpractice suit against Doc – http://t.co/xineEATfN6 #hcsm #meded http://t.co/wzFm1gMa31

  • Avatar
    Ollie Minton

    “: Sneezy files $5 million malpractice suit against Doc – http://t.co/DAR7jzLUsJ #hcsm #meded http://t.co/iOPYSZXKES”

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