orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Three-Sentence Discharge Summary For Six-Month Hospitalization

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ROME, GA – Doctors and hospital administrators are lauding what has been called a “breakthrough in succinctness,” as a patient discharged after six months in the hospital presented to his primary care provider with a three-sentence discharge summary in hand.

orthopedic surgeonDr. Julius Caesar, professor of Orthopaedic Surgery at the Rome University Specialty Hospital (RUSH), confidently dictated his patient’s hospital course by simply stating, “I came. I saw. I conquered.”  The patient, Mr. John Poffbuilding, a 39-year-old roofing contractor, had suffered a catastrophic fall from a ten-story building, resulting in 57 distinct fractures.

His six-month hospital course had been complicated by multiple surgeries for placement of orthopaedic hardware, ventilator-associated pneumonia, multiple bouts of septic shock secondary to multidrug-resistant organisms, a hemorrhagic stroke, an ischemic stroke, a myocardial infarction, acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS) requiring extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO), three episodes of cardiac arrest, and a rare form of cystic acne.

The attending physician for the medicine consult service, who wished to be identified only as “Dr. Mario” stated, “We tend to call complicated patients ‘train-wrecks.’  Mr. Poffbuilding was more than a train-wreck.  He was a train-wreck that had crashed into a nuclear waste dump during an earthquake caused by a volcanic eruption.”  Through much rehabilitation and extensive work by multiple services, Mr. Poffbuilding has been completely healed and is back to the way he was before his accident.

Narrating the hospital course for such a patient can be extremely difficult, Dr. Mario said.  “Dr. Caesar has really pulled off a feat,” he said.  “In three short sentences, he has told every future provider everything they need to know about what the team did for him.  I knew the creator of the no word SOAP note would pull off another victory!”

Dr. Mario’s sentiments have been echoed by others, including the Chief of the Division of Infectious Diseases at RUSH, who stated, “I’m so sick of discharge summaries that tell us what resistant organisms a patient grew and what antibiotics they were treated with.  All I need to know is that the patient was sick.  Dr. Caesar knows the true meaning of ‘summary.'”

A small group of dissenting physicians from the Bureau of Long-Ass Hospitalizations (BLAH) have stated that Dr. Caesar is setting a poor precedent by failing to include the minute details of Mr. Poffbuilding’s hospital course.  Dr. Marcus Brutus, a close friend of Dr. Caesar, tells GomerBlog that he privately warned him to, “Beware the Ides of March,” the date when the Joint Commission will be visiting RUSH.

When asked to comment, Dr. Caesar simply replied, “Et tu, Brute?”

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  • Avatar
    Fionnuala Kelly

    Moni Brunt James Teng this would be handy for those d/c backlogs!

  • Avatar
    Corey Ames

    This is my goal!

  • Avatar
    David Schwartz

    Sincerely disappointed to find out this was a parody. I read it looking for inspiration and instruction… oh well! :-)

  • Avatar
    Hugo Gemal

    Mark HigginsChris BrethertonRhys ClementPeter YoungEleanor Houghton

  • Avatar
    Hugo Gemal

    excellent. ISQ is a pretty good WR entry for the long stayers…

  • Avatar
    Joe Marwood

    Hugo

  • Avatar
    Charvee Oza

    Vishaal Buch

  • Avatar
    Basilie Teoh

    Marc Chia Rosie Callahan

  • Avatar
    Adrienne Rosenfeld

    Patrick Shanley
    Bureau of Long-Ass Hospitalizations lol

  • Avatar
    Molly Odell Nygren

    Love it!! Especially from the observation unit; a second stop from ER.

  • Avatar
    Molly Odell Nygren

    Yes it’s called a AMA. Lol!!

  • Avatar
    Jason Lifshutz

    Do it a lot

  • Avatar
    Catherine Moore

    Best blog post! So hilarious

  • Avatar
    Catherine Moore

    Best blog post! So hilarious

  • Avatar
    Emily Carolyn Houston

    Katie Houston Lanier

  • Avatar
    Yoram Puius

    One sentence: “See yesterday’s ID consult.”

  • Avatar
    Todd V Prier

    No word soap note! Lmao

  • Avatar
    Vanessa Quinones

    Jenny Sanders

  • Avatar
    John Mowrey

    Ha!

  • Avatar
    Lisa Hamrick Aamoun

    Too funny. I guess if they were going home to die in hospice. The summary would read. Too sick to save. I suck as a DR I guess. LOL!

  • Avatar
    Suren Senthi

    Yup sounds like a house officer I know

  • Avatar
    Paul TJ

    Should have been veni vidi vici

  • Avatar
    Gerald Schroepfer

    :P

  • Avatar
    Kerry Penman Gaines

    Lawyers baby! We love ’em!

  • Avatar
    Daniel Shein

    Outstanding

  • Avatar
    Kerry Penman Gaines

    Matthew Mark Gaines. You are doing it wrong.

  • Avatar
    Robby Westermann

    There are way too many events for the Orthopaedic service to remain the primary team.

  • Avatar
    Richard Kincaid

    Sam! Bernard!

  • Avatar
    Carolyn Warner Greer

    Jerry Greer

  • Avatar
    Anne Moore

    Lol Touro

  • Avatar
    Yoni Deutsch

    Anne Moore Why were all my SOAP notes 6 pages?

  • Avatar
    Kathleen Bylsma

    @Kevin Sonn

  • Avatar
    Kathleen Bylsma

    @Kevin Sonn

  • Avatar
    Anne Moore

    Allie Pierce

  • Avatar
    Anne Moore

    Allie Pierce

  • Avatar
    ZDoggMD

    Mindy Evangelisti I NEED THAT!

  • Avatar
    ZDoggMD

    Mindy Evangelisti I NEED THAT!

  • Avatar
    Heather Murdoch

    I can sum up a lot of pt stays in one sentance: Pt is batshit crazy. Lol

  • Avatar
    Heather Murdoch

    I can sum up a lot of pt stays in one sentance: Pt is batshit crazy. Lol

  • Avatar
    Susan Barclay

    Blair – as your unofficial risk manager please pontificate!

  • Avatar
    Susan Barclay

    Blair – as your unofficial risk manager please pontificate!

  • Avatar
    Mindy Evangelisti

    And…. I have an old long white fur coat and live right next to Vegas!!! ;)

  • Avatar
    Mindy Evangelisti

    And…. I have an old long white fur coat and live right next to Vegas!!! ;)

  • Avatar
    Mindy Evangelisti

    Oh my god! That made my day!

  • Avatar
    Mindy Evangelisti

    Oh my god! That made my day!

  • Avatar
    Vicki Rexrode McCampbell

    Freakin’ hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

  • Avatar
    Holly Hingley Grospitch

    Tyler Morrison Terri Munger Morrison I’m not sure if either of you follow Gomerblog but if you don’t you should. HILARIOUS stuff. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry. You’re welcome.

  • Avatar
    Scott Pango

    Awwww man… As an intern I was trying to perfect my 5 page DC summary :(

  • Avatar
    Robert Avram

    LOLLL Lior Bibas Dan BG Tran

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    That’s it, we need to make a plague doctor costume!! Know where we can get some sweet beaks?

  • Avatar
    Steven Kidder

    This is… satire, I guess? #UCH

  • Avatar
    Steve Balint

    But the med reconciliation will still take a half hour on the EMR…

  • Avatar
    Debbie Schneider

    I was a medical transcriptionist for 16 years. I would have found this hilarious, and then I would have been really annoyed at the waste of time and lack of money (working on production) that this cost me LOL.

  • Avatar
    Matthew Wasco

    Lol, would still be a 35 page document though.

  • Avatar
    Christine Chung

    Hilarious

  • Avatar
    Don Milligan

    But by the time you get the EHR notification, it will still be 50 pages long!

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    It was you that wrote the no worder SOAP note! https://gomerblog.com/2014/12/soap-note/

  • Avatar
    ZDoggMD

    Gomerblog fly your a** out to Vegas and be in the video! #BounceBounceBounceBounceBounceBounceBack

  • Avatar
    John Muthama

    Run for your life!

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    ZDoggMD This is amazing!!

  • Avatar
    Cassandra Brown

    Peta Enbom

  • Avatar
    ZDoggMD

    Now we just need to shoot the video. Fur white coat, anyone?

  • Avatar
    Camie Wright

    That’s the funniest one of those I’ve heard! Another readmission, no love from Joint Commission… LOL

  • Avatar
    Setu Modi

    Yup that’s the way it should be

  • Avatar
    Sneha Neps

    Setu Modi lol ortho discharge summaries

  • Avatar
    Kelly Finley Brown

    I’m forced to because I work in Care Management. I really appreciate the “get to the point” attitude of the discharging physician!! Kudos Doc!!

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Bein Rowlinson

    D/C: Stop doing heroin

  • Avatar
    Zubin Damania

    Sounds like a recipe for “bounce bounce bounce back”: https://soundcloud.com/zdoggmd/readmission-remix-r-kelly-parody

  • Avatar
    Linda Ranne Barberi

    “May go.”

  • Avatar
    Matty Walker

    Dave Zbrojkiewicz

  • Avatar
    Naveen Weeratunga

    David Becker, we will break new ground for Medicine.

  • Avatar
    Wayne E Gold

    I was being a little sarcastic….

  • Avatar
    Becky Alexander

    please, please if nothing else, put the WB and brace orders in the summary

  • Avatar
    Becky Alexander

    I do. I work in a SNF. they are pretty necessary for the pts care after the hospital

  • Avatar
    Heidi Shukralla

    Dan Dan Clarke

  • Avatar
    Michael Montazeri

    Venit, vidissem, eum abiit.

  • Avatar
    Catherine Moore

    Suren Senthi

  • Avatar
    Beau Ellenbecker

    Reminds me of my hospital group…

  • Avatar
    Laurie Gess Phillips

    I’m torn between wanting the line count or dying of boredom!

  • Avatar
    Alex Nesbitt

    haha this sounds about right

  • Avatar
    Kristina Wehnke Rosu

    Right?

  • Avatar
    Ari Elman

    Seems like you either only work in a hospital or are part of a surgical service. Of course plenty of people read them.

  • Avatar
    Josh Conroy

    Alex Nesbitt

  • Avatar
    Akshay Hungenahally

    #NOF ORIF WBAT F/U 5/7

  • Avatar
    Caroline Herron

    Dawn Costello !

  • Avatar
    Wayne E Gold

    Has anyone ever actually read a discharge summary?…

  • Avatar
    Lauren Wolf

    Pt @ baseline. Regular meds. F/up w GP, 7/52.

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    I can do one in two words

    Paws
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