Physician Shocked to Learn Banana Bags Not Made with Real Fruit

  • 1.3K

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Local hospitalist Marcel Beignet was shocked and aghast to learn from colleagues today that banana bags, which are used to treat patients with nutritional deficiencies, are not made with bananas or any real fruit whatsoever.

Bananas“That’s HORSECRAP!” exclaims Beignet in utter disbelief.  “It’s a banana bag!  BANANA bag.  What else could possibly be in it?  Nothing!  It MUST contain bananas!!  Why else would you call it that?  Have we gone MAD???!!!”

For decades, Beignet has been under the impression that banana bags are made with one liter of freshly-squeezed bananas, which are first harvested and hand-picked by medical students and interns throughout the Caribbean and Central and South America before being exported to the hospital where they are skillfully squeezed by the hands of hundreds if not thousands of laboring nutritionists and pharmacists before being packaged and tubed to the floor.

“Yeah… no, that’s not the case,” remarks pharmacist Dominick Crawfish, demonstrating how to make a banana bag very matter-of-factly.  “I just mix some multivitamin, thiamine, folate, and magnesium with normal saline.  That’s really all there is to it.”

“NONSENSE!” shouted a stubborn and salty Beignet.  “You can’t fool me.  If bananas aren’t used in banana bags, then what about when I order grapefruit, watermelon, or passion fruit bags?  You’re telling me those are just bags of vitamins too?  That’s a load of bull-”

“Yeah… no, we don’t use fresh squeezed fruits or vegetables down in pharmacy,” responded Crawfish, shaking his head.  “That doctor’s a bit nuts.  It’s just easier to send him IV fluids with some food coloring and call it whatever he wants.  I really don’t want to argue about grapefruits, apples, or melons to be honest.  But shhh.  Don’t tell him I said that.”

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

xray smartphone app

New Smartphone App + Selfie Stick Allows Patients to Take Own X-Rays at Home

1.3KSharesCUPERTINO, CA – The telemedicine boom is poised to become an explosion, as a new ...

VA Backlogs To Be Honored On Veterans Day

271SharesPAPERWORK, USA – On November 11, 2014, the United States will be honoring its myriad ...

BLS online

New Research Shows Virtual Online BLS/ACLS Course Not Saving Real Lives

327SharesPHOENIX, AZ – Although popular with millennials and medical administrators, new research shows that ...

stethoscope fairy

Medical Student Leaves Stethoscope Somewhere in This Godforsaken Hospital

665SharesHELL – Brian Studebaker, MS3, has left his stethoscope somewhere in this god forsaken ...

Samsung Galaxy Pager fire

Samsung Galaxy Pager Explodes, Intern in Critical Condition

945SharesDURHAM, NC – An internal medicine intern Becky Lambert is in critical condition today after her ...

pilot cleared landing doctor hospital

Doctor Asks If There’s a Pilot Aboard This Hospital

1.4KSharesNEW YORK, NY – In a moment of inspiration after he forced herself to ...