DURHAM, NC – HE POOPED!!!! OMG!!! Thank heavens! GomerBlog can’t believe the news we’re about to deliver! But he did it! HE DID IT!!! He pooped! The patient in room 423 at Durham Medical Center has POOPED! YeaahHHHHHH!!!!
Get the party hats, people!! Where are the funnel cakes, cupcakes?! Hire the mascots and the CLOWNS! FIREWORKS!!! Get the discharge paperwork ready and let the ticker-tape parades BEGIN! He has proved the doubters wrong! He sat upon his golden throne of white and delivered us a golden CHALICE filled with sensational stool!! Though pooped, he pooped! We must rejoice! In this Era of Constipation, we must always celebrate The Bowel Movement! ALWAYS!!!
He’s eating okay, he’s peeing okay, now he’s POOPING okay! HOORAHHHH!! GomerBlog, with enthusiasm never before seen in field reporting, tracked down our hero for comment! THERE HE IS!! RIGHT OVER THERE!! Standing TRIUMPHANTLY on the mountaintop! THE ONE AND ONLY!!!
“No one believed in me, that I could poop,” said our hero Frank Bricks with a glow that can be described only by the words TOTAL VICTORY. His face is covered with sweat, tears, determination, confetti, and hot sauce. “I channeled all the thoughts, prayers, and love from friends, family, strangers into one epic push… I did it! No, no… WE did it!!!” Yeah we did! Not only did he poop. WE. ALL. POOPED!
AMEN!!!! Medical staff are on the lookout for rainbows, pots of gold, and unicorns.
When word reached the nurses station, the secretary rang the golden gong, signaling to all that constipation has been defeated once more! The gong will be heard for thousands upon thousands of miles! Cities, states, countries will sleep well tonight knowing that our patient, our HERO, has moved his bowels!! That is, if all the cheering and dancing and partying and costumes don’t continue until the early morning hours! GomerBlog is honored to be part of such a great day. This is truly a great, glorious day. We must cherish it.
HE. HAS. POOPETH!
WHAT???!!!! He went…. AGAIN!?!! YESSSSSSSS!!!! Bricks is a god among men!!!