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NEW YORK, NY – In a bid to capture even more market share in the growing cohort of Americans taking more than ten scheduled daily medications, drug giant MegaPharm has released a new product which promises to alleviate side effects of all other prescription drugs.

polypharmacyObecon® (roomforonemoreizone) is designed to combat the headaches, dizziness, flushing, upset stomach, mild-to-moderate constipation, muscle aches, dry mouth, itching, nausea, fatigue, blurry vision, and behavioral changes frequently observed in patients taking common prescription drugs.

Obecon® is the brainchild of Martin Shkreli, who recently sold the rights to the drug to MegaPharm after coming under scrutiny for price gouging and insider trading in the pharmaceutical industry.  An FDA mandated package insert lists the potential side effects of Obecon®, which include headaches, dizziness, flushing, upset stomach, mild-to-moderate constipation, muscle aches, dry mouth, itching, nausea, fatigue, blurry vision, and behavioral changes.

Other side effects include halitosis, meth mouth, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, end-stage gynecomastia, Marcus Gunn pupil, steatorrhea, dramatically increased pubic hair growth, and premature bankruptcy.

The new medicine will retail at $650 per month supply, with expectations for a sharp price climb shortly after release due to increased demand brought by direct-to-consumer advertising and pressure on doctors to maintain strong patient satisfaction scores.  According to inside sources, MegaPharm researchers are working valiantly to produce a drug to combat the side effects of Obecon®.

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Jake Ho
After 10 years spent fighting the unwinnable war that is Emergency Medicine in America, an "ER doctor" left medicine altogether and joined a Buddhist temple in Tibet, changing his name to "Jake Ho." He found the peaceful solitude he achieved to be the antithesis of years spent dealing with unreasonable requests and reprimands from patients, families, hospital administrators, and consultants. The vows of celibacy and silence he took are largely mitigated by the blogging and internet porn made possible thanks to the temple's excellent Wi-Fi connection.