resting bitch face

Resting Bitch Face Underdiagnosed in Health Care Providers

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NEW YORK, NY – Despite the numerous advances and medical breakthroughs in 2015, GomerBlog reports that resting bitch face (RBF), a horrible affliction in which a person’s emotionless facial expression at rest unintentionally looks bitchy despite not actually feeling or being bitchy, remains underdiagnosed both in the U.S. population and in health care providers.

resting bitch face
“I swear I’m happy and ecstatic on the inside!”

“I was recently hospitalized with an acute exacerbation of resting bitch face,” explained Mary Simmons, one of many providers suffering from RBF.  “The ironic thing is that though I’m a happy person, my RBF causes people to ask me constantly if I’m okay or mad, which in turn annoys me and makes me start acting like a raging bitch.”

“Resting bitch face is prevalent among our peers but we’re not devoting enough resources to diagnosing it,” said director of the Centers for Resting Bitch Face Control and Prevention (CRBFC) Robert Starks, who sort of has a little bit of a resting bitch face going on himself.  “Thanks to high-profile celebrities like Anna Kendrick, Kacey Musgraves, and Kristen Stewart, resting bitch face is finally getting the attention it deserves.”

RBF (a.k.a. grump face, die face, or permafrown) affects a person’s facial muscles, contorting them in such a manner that the eyebrows furrow, the lips purse, and the edges of the mouth flatten to make what may be a very nice person just look really pissed off all the time.  RBF’s underlying etiology is not understood.  RBF is considered a form of dystonia.  RBF will be a hot topic at this year’s American Academy of Neurology (AAN) meeting later this year.  This year’s keynote speaker will not only be a world-renowned expert on the condition, but also has a pretty terrible case of RBF.

According to experts, RBF is specific to females while RAF (resting a**hole face) is specific to males.  Think Kanye West.

The diagnosis of resting bitch face is elusive.  Treatment options include smiling exercises, Botox, and plastic surgery.

“It’s extremely difficult to make the diagnosis,” said Cornell neurologist Ann Marie Bolton, a leading expert in both RBF and its lesser-known variants active bitch face (ABF) and latent bitch face (LBF).  “Is my resident a lovely woman with resting bitch face or is she just a huge bitch?  Is that nurse burned out, depressed, or sleep-deprived, or is she simply afflicted with RBF?  Sometimes, it’s just hard to know.  We need more research.”

A few experts suggest interacting with the person in question, but to take caution in case the person is in fact a bitchy person who also looks like a bitch.  A person with RBF is quite pleasant.  But not a B.  “In those scenarios,” advised Bolton, “simply run for your life.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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