SEATTLE, WA – Narconipple Inc. is pleased to introduce its revolutionary patented product, the Fentanypple. The Fentanypple is a narcotic breast implant that delivers a pre-measured and satisfying dose of delightful narcotics to any suckler by the implantee. The Fentanypple implant device can be utilized by men as well as women insuring equality in fostering blissful narcotic drug addiction.
Postpartum moms have occasionally had difficulty getting baby to “latch on” when beginning to breastfeed. Fentanypple solves this problem as once new baby tries the fentanyl-rich formula, he or she will be constantly crying for more.
New mom Barbie McBooble describes the Fentanypple this way: “The first time my new baby Mikey tried Fentanypple, he was hooked! And, the best part is he always has a long nap just after feeding.”
Barbie’s husband Mike Sr. is already scheduled for his Fentanypple implant so he can share the pleasure of feeding the new baby. Narconipple Inc. understands the hazards of narcotic overdose and has solved this problem as well with the simultaneous breast implant of the new opioid-reversing Naloxonipple.
The Naloxonipple is implanted on the other side opposite the Fentanypple in case of accidental overdose by overzealous sucklers. The Naloxonipple provides quick and effective narcotic antagonist to bring any suckler back to the perfect and sublime level of narcotic dreamland.
In addition to infant breast feeding augmentation, the Fentanypple can be used for a variety of other applications. When animal shelter operator Dixie Darling discovered the Fentanypple implant device she immediately knew this was the solution to the constant midnight howling and barking in her kennel. Dixie states, “It was a little painful at first, especially those little puppy teeth, but the little pups soon quietened down after just minutes of suckling.”
Narconipple Inc. provides a large variety of Fentanypple and Naloxonipples size which can be obtained and inserted by your favorite healthcare provider under local anesthesia. The procedure is simple and painless as is refilling the large reservoirs. Now, family, friends, and beloved pets can enjoy the pleasures of opioid enhanced breastfeeding.
Obvious satire. Please don’t put ANY opioids into breastmilk.