119th opinion

Patient Goes for Record 119th Opinion

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CHICAGO, IL – Enthusiastically leaving opinions one and two in the dust, patient Mark Waters plans to continue his search for “the right medical advice” by going for a record 119th opinion tomorrow morning.  If successful, this would break the record set by patient Emily Samuels of 118 opinions back in 1997.

119th opinion
Waters is pictured here looking optimistic before opinion 98, though he was ultimately disappointed.

“I really appreciate the previous 118 opinions rendered by the doctors, physicians, nurses, and others I’ve talked to during the past several years,” offered Waters as he prepared to not bring in any medical records from these previous providers to his new doctor tomorrow.  “But I have to trust my gut.  I haven’t received the satisfactory response I’ve wanted.  So you know the old saying: Can’t hurt to get a 119th opinion.”

Gomerblog is unaware of this saying.

Three years ago, Waters spoke to his primary care physician (PCP) about his triad of symptoms: ocular tenesmus, testicular whistling, and fatigue.  Though his PCP suggested a psychiatry consult, Waters respectfully declined and heeded his PCP’s advice to seek a second opinion.

“But then the second opinion, back in early 2014, sounded awfully similar to the first opinion, which wasn’t what I was looking for,” admitted Waters, before singing a few lyrics from U2’s hit I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.  He continued.  “I had never really heard of people getting third and fourth opinions so I figured why not go into unchartered territory?”

Three years and 118 opinions later, Waters seeks to break the DiMaggio of medical opinion streaks by going for opinion 119.  Though tomorrow is a big day for the record books, it’s just another day in Waters quest for the right answer.

It should be noted that all 118 opinions agree with one another.  Waters believes that this is “merely coincidence.”

“After opinion number 50, someone told me about Samuels’ record,” Waters admitted to Gomerblog.  “I wouldn’t be here if not for Samuels.  She really paved the way.  You know, to push and keep going.”  Samuels spent the years of 1994-1997 compiling 118 opinions, an untouchable record until now.  “But I’m going to hear what this doctor says and if it’s what I want to hear?  Great.  Wonderful.  If not, bring on 120.  I’ll keep going until I die.”

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  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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