oxidative phosphorylation

Med Student Yammering About Oxidative Phosphorylation, Kill Us Now

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oxidative phosphorylation
Don’t be fooled: the bright colors mask the bullsh*t.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) medical student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones continues to cement her legacy as the most annoying gunner of all-time, this time by choosing to give her Medicine team a PowerPoint presentation on oxidative phosphorylation.  You read that right: OXIDATIVE PHOSPHORYF**KINGLATION.

“Dear God up in heaven, what did I do to deserve this student on my team?!” implored medicine attending Jeremy Heller, now suffering from PTSD.  “I’ve desperately tried not to think about biochemistry for three decades now.  But guess what?  You had to give me the f**kin’ Snout.  I beg you, kill me now.”  Heller stood there silently with eyes closed, his peaceful face tilted towards the clouds, waiting for a bolt of lightning bolt to take him down.

If anyone gives a hoot, oxidative phosphorylation yields 30 to 36 ATP.  Yeah, we don’t care either.

The third-year resident on the team, Gillian Reinhart, is a little more forgiving of Weaselsnout-Jones’ transgressions but understands her attending physician’s frustrations.  “ATP in aerobic organisms is good and all, and mitochondria are even a little sexy,” Reinhart admitted.  “But giving this talk at bedside, during a family meeting on code status no less, is probably poor form.  There is a time and place.”

Heller vehemently disagrees.  “There’s never a time or a place for this nonsense.  Keep it to yourself!”  Gomerblog confirms that Heller “can’t wait” to start working on Weaselsnout-Jones’ evaluation.  “I look forward to expending a ton of ATP to write up this one.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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