CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: “Don’t Forget to Check Human Orifices for Easter Eggs”

  • 143

ATLANTA, GA – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a “Happy Easter!” and hopes that today’s celebration can be augmented by remembering just one simple tip: Check those human orifices for Easter eggs!

easter egg hunt human orifices
Wow, this colon is quite grassy

“Nobody loves an Easter egg hunt more than us at the CDC,” began Anne Schuchat, Acting Director of the CDC.  “That being said, statistical analysis suggests that 80% of this year’s Easter eggs will be found within the depths of the human body.”  As the human body is blessed with a generous number of orifices with an impressive storage capacity for eggs, it only makes sense to start your search there.”

“I don’t want to spoil all the fun,” Schuchat continued, “but yes, some can be reached with bare hands, which puts medical students and interns at a distinct advantage at finding these eggs.  But other eggs, let’s just say if you can procure the services of, say, an otolaryngologist, a pulmonologist, a gastroenterologist, or an OB/GYN, you’ll really reap the bounty this Easter!”

Schuchat said that “it wasn’t a bad idea” regarding the use of bowel preps or enemas to flush out Easter eggs.  She “highly recommends” washing these eggs thoroughly before consuming them.

“Again, I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but this year we really got to find all of these Easter eggs,” Schuchat voiced with a tone of concern.  “If not, these Easter eggs just become a nidus for infection or if lodged anywhere in the gastrointestinal tract, can cause bowel obstruction.  And we really don’t want to find Easter eggs by exploratory laparotomy if we can help it.”

Finally, Schuchat wants to remind health care professionals over the next couple of weeks of the following: “If a person comes into clinic in 2 weeks with a horrible smell, consider Lost Easter Egg Syndrome (LEES) in your differential and check those orifices.  Put on a face mask, but check those orifices!”

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

SEAL Team Six

SEAL Team Six Assigned New Mission to Combat Burnout

225SharesVIRGINIA BEACH, VA – In a sign health care has truly reached crisis proportions, ...

respiratory rate

Nurse Suspended for Consistently Charting Respiratory Rate of 16

19.3KSharesCHICAGO, IL – Nurse Jamie Inspira was suspended from Atlantic Memorial Hospital last week. ...

bed control

Fanduel to Debut Betting on Drunk ED Patients’ Alcohol Levels

3.3KSharesLOS ANGELES, CA – Popular daily fantasy sports betting site Fanduel announced today that ...

Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Likely Caused by Strain of Attempting to Lift Up Middle Class

9.8KSharesWASHINGTON, D.C. – A source close to the colorectal surgeon who treated Democratic presidential ...