KEARNEY, NE – Kind Humanitarian Hospital’s Dr. Naya Statin was in for a revelation when gathering medication history from a new patient Gabby Pentin.
“I see that you are taking a blood thinner,” Statin asked. “What is that for?”
With a look of utter bewilderment, Pentin informed the oblivious physician, “To keep my blood thin, why else?”
The clueless doctor continued. “How about your Percocet? Why do you take that?”
“Because I need it” should have been clear as day, but again Pentin had to enlighten the struggling physician. “Because.”
Pentin further went on to report that she takes beta blockers “because she’s on them,” steroids “because her doctor prescribed it,” diuretics because she “has always taken them,” and aspirin “because it’s good for flushing the toxins out of her system.”
When asked about medical problems, Pentin reported that she had her tonsils out when she was 14.
The above patient encounter should not be surprising. A recent patient survey by the University for Seldomly-Effective, Least Evidence-Supported & Self-Serving Sciences (USELESSSS) indicated that 85% of patients on blood thinners take them to “keep blood thin,” 3% take them for “sugar” or “diabetes,” 4% because they “help with insomnia,” and only 5 patients take them for such medical problems as atrial fibrillation and DVT.
Luckily for health care professionals, it is easy to keep all of the above straight since all the medical history should be in the computer.