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beginning runners
And when we’re done running, let’s post about it on Facebook!

Did you make a New Year’s resolution to start running but haven’t gotten to it yet?  We’re here to help.  This guide is intended for health care professionals who are beginning runners.  It is not intended for July interns, who have already hit the ground running.

Invest in a good pair of OR shoes.  Forget running shoes; those are for professional runners.  Since you’re a health care professional, buy a nice pair of OR shoes for home-field advantage.  Not only will they last hours at a time, but the ventilation is great and the lack of ankle support forces you to focus on that stride.

Wear scrubs.  Ideally the scrubs should be 100% cotton to retain sweat and cause irritation.  Training isn’t supposed to be easy!  Plus, when others see you running, you want to create the illusion that you’re a serious doctor or nurse running at full speed to save someone’s life.

Run with faster people.  Laughter is the best medicine.  Your faster friends will get a good laugh watching you struggle as the weakest member of the herd.

Use a running app.  We prefer the 5K-to-Couch or Map My Couch apps.

Start at altitude.  Hop on a life flight and ask the helicopter pilot to drop you off on the nearest mountaintop.  Push yourself to the max from the get-go by depriving the body of oxygen.  You’ll thank us later.

Fueling is overrated.  You can get through overnight call without eating, drinking, peeing, or pooping, so the same applies to running.  It’s all in the mind.  Dehydration is success in its finest form.

Don’t warm up.  In fact, do the opposite.  Hop into a sub-zero operating room before you start.  It’s like taking a cold shower: your leg muscles will wake up in a flash.

Blast music.  This keeps you from paying attention to two very distracting things: your body and traffic.  Ignore your body’s signals for pain and pay no attention to the car barreling in towards you.  Added bonus: loud music strengthens those ear drums.

Fartleks, baby!  What is a fartlek?  Alternating fast periods and slow periods of running and farting.  Great on the legs, great on the anal sphincter.

Don’t rest.  To make the best of your run, plan to do it so that when you finish you head straight into work to begin your long work day.  Rounding and charting are the best cool downs one can ask for.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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