CHICAGO, IL – Tragedy struck a quiet neighborhood eye clinic last week after what began as a routine visual field confrontation ended in a triple homicide.  Police responded to a distress call Friday afternoon from Janet Macula, a technician at the clinic and an eyewitness to the carnage.  “It started with a routine visual field exam.  The doctor began confronting the patient as usual,” said Macula, fighting back tears.  “But then he wouldn’t stop confronting.”

angry man

The 911 transcript of the call from Macula reveals a disturbing scene:

911 OPERATOR: 911… What is your emergency?

MACULA: Send help… Hurry, please…

911 OPERATOR: Ma’am what’s happening?

MACULA (sobbing):… it was just supposed to be a confrontation…

911 OPERATOR: Confronting who?  What is going on?  Ma’am?  Ma’am?!?

MACULA: …he won’t stop confronting… (sobbing) … There’s blood everywhere… Please send help …

(background) HOW…MANY…FINGERS…DO…YOU…SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (silence)

First responders to the scene found the ophthalmologist and owner of the practice, Martin Uvea, looking disheveled and covered in blood.  Police reports indicate he had written “Full to Confrontation” in blood on the wall of his office.

This is the third incident this year of a local ophthalmologist murdering a patient during routine confrontation visual field testing.  Police are encouraging patients to avoid confrontational visual fields by cracking jokes or trying to tickle the ophthalmologist.  Recent studies have shown murder rates decrease dramatically in ophthalmologists who are being tickled during the exam.

Dr. Glaucomflecken
Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken