No Hospice Just Yet: Federer Ekes by Father Time 4-6, 6-2, 6-1, 1-6, 6-4

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FLUSHING, NY – Roger Federer pulled through last night in his opening match against Father Time, surviving in thrilling fashion 4-6, 6-2, 6-1, 1-6, 6-4.  Federer, 36, was unequivocally a “full-court press,” never showing signs he was interested in a family meeting when he was down after one set or outclassed in the fourth set.

“There were moments I thought I was done for, but I managed to have some quality of life out there,” Federer told the sellout crowd after the match, adding that he was thrilled he didn’t need to use a medical timeout for morphine.  When asked if he has thought about becoming DNR/DNI, Federer responded with a chuckle and said, “No, of course not!  I’m gonna keep going and give everything I have!”

Federer is seeking his 20th Grand Slam championship at this year’s U.S. Open, and plans to accomplish it as a Full Code without the assistance of Palliative Care or Pastoral Services.  “If winning another Grand Slam requires an endotracheal tube and chest compressions, I’m quite okay with that.”

Father Time was gracious in defeat.

“What can I say?” Father Time said in awe, realizing the Swiss may have more than 6 months left in his career and, therefore, would be ineligible for hospice.  “Fed beat me at the Australian Open for No. 18, beat me again at Wimbledon for No. 19, and tonight he was the better man.  If anything, I’m the one gasping for breath and may need to rethink my code status.  He’s in a whole other class.  I wish him the best in his next match.”

In other news, Rafael Nadal underwent surgery after all four of his limbs came off while chasing down every ball in an extended rally in the second set yesterday against Dusan Lajovic.  Nadal will not miss any time and is ready to go for his next round match.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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