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Patient Discharged to Rehab to Acquire UTI

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“Hope that UTI comes back swiftly”

AUGUSTA, GA – Patient Larry Michelson is thrilled he will be going to subacute rehab today where, if everything goes according to plan, he will acquire a urinary tract infection (UTI) within the next 2 weeks and be promptly readmitted.

“Now that he is back to baseline – afebrile, coherent, and conversational – he’s ready to head back and get reinfected,” said Dr. Lauren Wilcox, the physician of record at August Medical Center, as she writes down the patient’s medical record number, something that will come in handy next week when Michelson returns.  “We can’t wait to have him back, combative and agitated.”

Wilcox added later: “The place he’s going to is the absolute best at sending patients back immediately, even if for no reason at all.”

Michelson’s family and medical team have agreed to leave his Foley catheter in place, along with some telemetry and central lines, for no reason whatsoever to help clinch the immediate bounce back.

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