Tom Price

Breaking: Tom Price Signs Off, Turfs Department of Health & Human Services to Medicine

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – After dealing with scandal over the use of private jets for multiple government business trips, orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has signed off as Secretary of Health & Human Services, and turfed the cabinet position to Medicine.

Signing off, please do not hesitate to call with any questions,” Price wrote in a resignation letter addressed to both President Donald Trump and Internal Medicine.  “Thank you for the interesting consult.”

Ever since the news broke last week, Price either declined questions from the media or, at best, would say he would “take questions only as it pertained to the femur or other long bones of the body.”  With his resignation, all issues pertaining to the Department of Human and Health Services – including management of pain, DVT prophylaxis, and overnight constipation – will be deferred to Medicine.

Price’s plan to reimburse the government with a check for $51,887.31 even though his total flight costs were estimated to be in the six-figure range disturbed both Republicans and Democrats.

On the other hand, health care professionals weren’t surprised.

“Have you ever seen an orthopod try to treat hypertension and diabetes?  The medications, the doses are way off,” explained Dr. Jack Ende, President of the American College of Physicians (ACP).  “You can’t fault Price for messing up the numbers.  He’s not a numbers guy.  He’s a bone guy.”

Price is unavailable for comment, though sources close to Gomerblog say that he is currently being comforted by toned biceps and telling passersby where to find the gun show.

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