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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Radiologist Calvin Sherpa sat silently at his outdoor patio table, staring at his breakfast burrito that he ordered at his favorite neighborhood spot Arlequin.  He sipped on his flat white, trying to remember what was in this burrito.  Not willing to take a chance, Sherpa ordered a full-burrito CT to determine its contents.

breakfast burrito
We could always ask what’s in them

“I don’t want to be too invasive if I can help it,” Sherpa told Gomerblog, unwilling to commit the burrito, not otherwise specified, to fork-and-knife treatment.  Transport quickly arrived at the cafe and carefully coaxed the burrito onto a wheelchair before heading down to Radiology.  “Hoping this burrito isn’t too claustrophobic and can hold still, I think I can figure out what’s inside.”

The breakfast burrito was very cooperative.  Given the acuity of the situation, several inpatients were bumped so this scan could take place.  The burrito stayed in place, nearly motionless for the entirety of the procedure, which took only 25 minutes.  Though the burrito didn’t say much, transport did note he appeared “a little cooler to the touch.”  Transport covered the burrito with several blankets before wheeling it back to the patio table where Sherpa waited for the images to load onto his laptop.

“Images are up!” Sherpa told our Gomerblog team, allowing us to look over his shoulder as he went over the different cuts.  “First thing’s first, there’s no broken bones or evidence of hemorrhage, so that’s good.”

After giving us a quick refresher on Houndsfield units, Sherpa scrolled through the images one last time before he told us his impression.  “Well, it appears to be an acute burrito with findings most consistent with scrambled eggs, crispy pork confit, fried potatoes, tomatillo-avocado salsa verde, and queso fresco,” Sherpa explained with an air of confidence.

Then his stomach growled.  “Hot damn, I’m hungry!”  The radiologist devoured the thing, chewed and clinically correlated with each delicious bite.  “Diagnosis confirmed!  So so good!!  I love breakfast burritos!”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.